Things That Are Unfortunate But True-Part !

1. Being molested by an entertainment lawyer at a bar. If you are a troll of a man and you are gay and live in West Hollywood you seem to think that every one wants to sleep with you because you are a powerful entertainment lawyer. You seem to think that you can introduce someone(me) that you have just met mere seconds ago as your boyfriend, and then proceed to stick your hands down his pants(once again me) in both the front and the back. When said individual(me) runs away from you and makes a bee line for the patio to smoke a cigarette and hide, it is not your duty to come and find them, wonder where they have gone, and then proceed to continue to put your hand down both the front and the back of said individual's pants. Once 2am hits(yes the bars in LA close at 2am....in NY they close at 4...one of the many ways that NYC is superior to LA...but I digress) it is not appropriate to ask said individual(me) if he wants to go home with you and his neighbor and have a three way. Just because said individual(it's me...get the point) is a homosexual does not mean he is immediately interested in three ways. Do not act surprised when he turns down your offer, and do not turn it around and ask if he wants to come home and have some one on one time with you. That was not the issue. Not everyone wants to sleep their way to the top. Some of us have come to the realization that we can never have a sugar daddy....some of us being me. So troll like entertainment lawyers please continue to prey upon the vapid pretty boys who seem to think sleeping with you is going to get them somewhere and leave us cute, smart, funny boys alone because it ain't going to happen. Ever read He's Just Not That Into You...it applies here.

2. Has anyone seen or heard from Geraldo Rivera lately? Perhaps I am not up to speed on everything that is going on in the exciting and thriving career of Geraldo Rivera, but was he diagnosed with Road Rage at any point in the near past? Why do I ask this you may wonder. Well upon driving to my first day of my unpaid job(a whole different issue) I came upon this man who was honking at me....for no reason. I was driving beyond the speed limit, in the right lane, every other car seemed to be exisiting peacefully and then Geraldo Rivera hits the road. He starts to honk uncontrollably...at me....for like three miles. What did Geraldo Rivera want? I may never know because I was forced to turn onto the road I was headed to, but as I made that turn Geraldo Rivera continued to honk at me looking very angry, and to this day.....it happened a week ago....I still don't know why it is that Geraldo Rivera was honking at me. I may never know. So Geraldo, if your reading this......why were you honking at me? I think that I have a right to know!

3. Being the lovely gay accesory that every straight girl lesbian, and gay friendly straight boy needs I graciously agreed to pick up my roommates from the airport after their week and a half journey that left me lonely and depressed in LA for a week. Not that I'm bitter about it or anything. Of course the plane was running late...well they were on two different planes, coming from the same place, but that doesn't matter. This very pleasant Hispanic woman was sitting next to me, and it turned out that her husband was on the same plane that one of my roommates was on. How nice! We chatted, and then she told me that she was excited to see her husband but he was going to have his son with him and made a blech like face which led me to believe that it was surly fifteen year old. Looking at this cute woman I also was led to believe that her husband was actually going to be attractive. Oh how wrong I was on this day! With excitment she lept from her seat when she saw her husband, and ran to him as he held the hand of the cutest little boy that you have ever seen....he seemed to quiet and nice and gave the wife a hug. What was this biotch giving a blech face for? The child could not have been more then four years old. I saw them later, and the child was nothing if not well behaved and chatting away with wifey. Well wifey let me tell you something....don't divulge your disgust for cute well behaved children that were sired by your husband to perfect strangers. It doesn't make you look cute or endearing...just ugly...ugly on the inside. That's right. You heard me...ugly on the inside.

This needs to be continued in a second post...too overwhelming for just one!