I haven't written a post in my blog since August. Despicable. Deplorable. I have no excuse. One day turned into two turned into a week turned into a month. This poor site started to grow moth balls, but it's never too late to get back on the horse. I thought that I would jump right into one of the more interesting things that has happened to me since I've ceased writing the blog. A lot of these entries tended to focus on the not so wonderful men that I found myself in encounters with. Not one to break from a trend I thought I would relay the tale of the barker.....
My 26th birthday was a raucuous good time filled with lots of friend many of which who though a fantastic gift would be bringing someone for me to hook up with. They walked in with men that I had never seen and took me aside to tell me that he was there for me. Were they aware that they were brought as gifts? The gesture was lovely if not a bit strange. Maybe if I had decided to hook up with one of them I would be relaying a different tale or registering for our committment ceremony. Somehow I doubt it.
The evening very quickly took a warm and fuzzy turn due to the many many oh wait let me say it again many shots that I had taken. Apparently 26 is the year of the shot. At one point I had to two tequila shots in quick succession. Tequila is probably my least favorite drink. I turned to my roommate Greg with pleading eyes hoping he would intervene and help me escape the wrath of a tequila shot, but he was unable to save me from my fate. In the midst of this tequila shot haze I was introduced to the "barker". I do remember his name, but I'm going to stick with the code name that doesn't have any meaning until much later in the story.
The barker was charming, handsome(thanks to the tequila) and very very very tall. The barker just happened to be at that bar. Most people in that bar had some sort of connection to me or someone that I knew. The barker did not. The barker and I chatted and made out and chatted and made out. I don't like to see people making out at bars and yet time and time again I will find myself doing it. I really shouldn't be pointing fingers at anyone. Eventually the barker and I decided to go back to his apartment right.
We found ourselves on the bed. We were making out. He breaks away from the making out to look me in the eye. I thought that perhaps he wanted to say something. Nope. He wanted to bark in my face. The man was barking in my face like a dog. I was drunk and confused so I didn't really know what to do, but I knew it was abnormal. Most people don't understand how I restrained myself from laughing in his face, but in my drunken haze I was just confused and dumbstruck. We made out some more and he barked some more. For the life of me I'm not sure why I stayed for the barking, but in my drunken state I decided to just go with it. In the midst of our making out he passed out on top of me. I told you earlier that the barker was tall. That was an understatement. I'm tall but this man was a giant. When I was kissing him outside of the bar I had to stand on my tippy toes in order to reach him. I'm 6'1. God knows how tall that he was. Maybe it was because he was so tall and his entire being was so large or maybe it was because I was so drunk, but I could not move the boy off of me. I tried to no avail and eventually just gave up and went to sleep myself.
When I woke up int he morning he wasn't on top of me anymore. I was hung over. What I should have done is leap out of the bed and head out of there. What I actually did was give myself a moment to compose my hungover head. That is the moment he managed to roll over on top of me again. Once again I couldn't move him. I was a fool for not seizing the window of opportunity, but a pounding headache can do that to you. When finally woke up again a couple of hours later more making out occured. I don't know why, but I suppose I could have rationalized it in my head that the barking was from being so drunk. Nope. After a few minutes of making he out he broke away from me and started barking again. Fully awake and completely sober I took this moment to tell him that I had to use the bathroom. He was under the impression that we were going to hook up some more. Wrong impression. I had enough of this barking. It was weird, and honestly I'm just not into it. There was no buildup or discussion. It was just barking. I got out of the bathroom and did not go anywhere near the bed. I threw on my clothes mumbling something about brunch plans. He walked me to the door. With every second that passed by my thoughts and prayers were that of him not asking me for my phone number. He didn't! Victory!!! He kissed me goodbye and I was on my way thinking that I would never see the barker again.
WRONG!
About a week ago I was riding the train to Times Square and the barker got on. I was sitting listenting to my ipod and reading soap opera digest. He was standing above me obviously trying to figure out where he knew me from. When we met I had a faux hawk, but recently I had decided to shave my head and be done with the faux hawk for the time being. That probably threw him off the trail, but not enough to shake my face from his head. He sat down next to me. I could feel his eyes boring into my head but I was determined to keep on listening to Panic! At The Disco and reading the week's recap of As The World Turns. The barker wasn't content with the mystery. He tapped me on the shoulder. I took one of the earphones out of my ear and turned toward him.
"Have we met?" he asked me in such a manner that led me to believe that he had already decided that we in fact did know each other. He either could not place or was being coy and knew exactly where he knew me from.
I looked him right in the eye, "No. I don't think so." I put my earphone in and went back to my soap opera digest.
I understand that this was not the nicest thing in the world to do. If someone did that to me I would hate it, but this is not a person that I wanted to welcome back into my life. What if I said yes I do know you...what are we going to talk about?
"Hey...remember that time that you barked at me when we drunkenly hooked up on my birthday??" Really. I don't see the need.
I'm not saying it is one of my prouder moments, but it is what it is.
