And Now For Something Completely Different.....
I'm sitting here on my couch on this Saturday evening with Tara next to me and her temptress bowl of cheese. Stephanie is playing with her new ipod, the nano. Quite cool. And Leigh and Joe are here! YAY! We love having visitors here, and Leigh and Joe are two of the best visitors that we could have. We're having a wonderful visit, but we're all sort of tired so we are chilling out tonight and watching the Opposite of Sex, one of my favorite movies although I don't find Ivan Sergei(he's in the movie in case you've never seen it) all that attractive.
You might be asking yourself at this moment why I'm regaling you with tales of me watching movies and eating cheese. It's as exciting as my life gets these days. I am sad to say it.
Luckily, the previous question was a joke. I do have something more exciting to say. Leigh and Joe arrived on Friday and we took them to In and Out and the Getty and had a great day, but we were all kind of lagging by the end of it and hadn't planned on hitting the town this particular evening. Our tunes changed after we had eaten our delectable sushi dinner. I hadn't had sushi in forever so that was a welcome treat, but it was still only 7:20 so we tried to think of what we should do, but ultimately just decided to head to Fiesta. We figured that we could catch the end of the first happy hour. Up until this point it had been a fun day and a good evening, but the evening hadn't quite swept me off of my feet just yet.
I accompanied Leigh to the bathroom because frankly there all sort of shennanigans going on in that bathroom, and Tara couldn't quite find her license and Leigh was about to burst. At some point Tara must have found her license because she popped up out of nowhere asking us what we wanted to drink, and of course my reply was a vodka tonic. That is my drink. I rarely drink anything else. I find that in many ways I am a creature of habit, and when I find a drink I tend to stick with it. Before I found my ways to vodka tonic I was drinking midouri sours. That was my drink all during my under age years, and then a couple after that. I still enjoy one from time to time, but they are a little too strong when you are having one after another in an evening, and thus my love for vodka tonics was born. What was I even talking about? Ah yes. Leigh finished in the bathroom, and we headed to meet Tara, Stephanie, and Joe at the bar when Tara decreed that we were going to go upstairs and get our drinks. I had no idea why in the moment, but apparently the bartender had been ignoring them and they didn't want to give him their tip money. I can understand that. Often in gay bars the bartenders will ignore girls which is ironice because there tend to be a lot of straight bartenders at gay bars. As long as you look good with your shirt off you can work in a gay bar. Orientation isn't so much important. We went upstairs, and got our orders in just under the 8pm wire-doubles for everyone! yay!
I had a voicemail, and it wasn't all that loud upstairs but I decided that I wanted to check it downstairs and see what was going on down there. It would give me a chance to look around and still seem like I had a purpose. I was standing there checking my voicemail, and a guy sitting down asked me if he had called. I didn't really have any idea what he was talking about, and I wanted to roll my eyes but instead I engaged with him because it's always interesting to see what seemingly weird people are going to say to you. His name was Ivor, and he wanted to know who I was talking to, and why I didn't have a boyfriend, and a myriad of other questions that I just didn't have the answer to. He was cute, very cute. But he was asking me weird questions, and saying shocking things about anyone that crossed his path just for the sake of being shocking. I wanted to return to my friends, but there was something about Ivor that I did find intriguing. So I went back upstairs thinking that I wasn't going to come back, but at the same time realizing I was saying that to myself without really believing it. I wasn't back upstairs for more then ten minutes before I decided it was time to have Leigh come downstairs with me and see if there were any cute boys. Really I wanted to see if Ivor was still down there.
He was, and at first I just sort of stood there with Leigh and we smoked a cigarette. I don't plan on doing these things this way in my head, but then the actions just take on a life of their own and I start to look as if I am Sami Brady the way that I'm behaving. I pointed out Ivor to Leigh, and he noticed that we were there and we started to engage in idle chit chat. The next few minutes is exposition more then anything else. Leigh and I were standing there and Ivor would occasionally turn to us and say something or make some sort of shocking comment. I kept saying that I had to go back to my friends, but it didn't actually happen and before I knew it Leigh was going to the bathroom and I was just full on having a conversation with Ivor and his friend. Leigh made an interesting observation earlier today. She said that he seemed to be alternately talking to me and then ignoring me as some sort of wooing strategy. That does seem to make sense, but once I didn't actually leave after I said I was going to it seemed that he had thrown his strategy out the window and we were just talking.
God knows that I have issues with guys. First of all I haven't had much luck with them. Then I do the whole keep guys that I'm interested in and that are interested in me at arms length. Why I do these things is unclear. I'm attempting to not do it anymore. Like I said earlier Ivor was making shocking comments. Comments that I wouldn't really make, and part of me thinks that he does it because he wants to put on a show or something. He has a very stand up comedy air about him. I'm sure that he would be a really funny stand up comedian, but that is neither here nor there. I have to admit that at first I wasn't sure why he was talking to me. Maybe he just enjoyed engaging random people in conversations. Who knows. Then he started talking about how much he liked my smile. I didn't want to admit this at the time, but I really liked this. Normally I hate it when people tell me nice things about myself. Compliments are like man repellent to me. When someone acts if they are interested in me is right about the time that I lose interest. That wasn't the case in these particular set of circumstances. I actually liked when he was telling me that I had a nice smile. This must be what it feels like to behave like a normal person! Oh my!
The evening proceeded like this. He was telling me how cute I was and that I had nice eyes and a nice smile. He was even telling my friends how cute I was. I hadn't quite gotten to the point where I could reciprocate the compliments. Expressing that I like someone is just as hard for me as accepting that someone likes me, but the fact that I liked the things that Ivor was saying to me was a step in the right direction. This may not seem like a big deal to any of you, but I was doing some serious analyzation in my head as to why in this particular case I liked the compliments. I still don't really have an answer for that, but I was just enjoying the fact that it was the way it was. Things were starting to wind down. The second happy hour had started, but we had all been there for a long time so people were drunk and wanting to go home. All of my friends had now migrated downstairs, and were sitting with us and all of Ivor's friends. Ivor then turns to me and tells me that if all our friends weren't here that he would kiss me. Now that is a nice thing to say. What was with me? I was enjoying hearing things I usually cringe at. Things that I usually find ridiculous. Ivor wanted to exhchange phone numbers. I was happy to give it to him, but I made sure that he knew that I didn't believe that he was actually going to call me. That probably isn't the greatest thing to say to someone that you wanted to call you, but it doesn't seem like they ever call so I might as well put it out there that while I would welcome a phone call I don't actually expect it to happen. At the time I believed that he wanted to call me, but he was drunk. My doubts don't usually start until after we have parted ways.
All of our friends left leaving the two of us alone. We walked around for a bit after we left Fiesta, and wound up standing on the sidewalk. He kissed me and then told me that he wanted to do that the whole evening. I'm falling for these things hook line sinker. The neurotic, disbelieivng, keep any guy who is nice to me at arms lenght Brian was nowhere in sight. Trust me I was looking everywhere for him, but he just did not want to make an appearance. For once. I almost didn't realize this was a good thing because I was so used to behaving in a way that was counterproductive to be a healthy and functional adult. haha. He wanted me to go home with him, but Leigh and Joe were here and I didn't want to start the next day all out of whack. I wanted to spend more time with Ivor, but I also didn't want to miss out on spending time with Leigh and Joe and Tara and Stephanie. Tara, Steph, and I had been looking forward to their visit for a long time. Finally we decided that he was going to come home with me, but I made it clear to him that I wasn't going to have sex with him. I never sleep with anyone the first night that I have met them, but these guys that I meet still want to come home with me. I don't misrepresent myself, but they still want to come. It's like I'm a hotel or something. I pick them up and give them a place to stay.
I brought him back to our apartment and chaos was reigning. Everyone was running around and drunk and I think that he thought that we were all a little crazy, but that didn't stop us from making out on my bed. He was being very nice, sweet, and tender and at one point he asked me what I was thinking. I told him that I thought that he made funny faces when he kissed. Are you kidding me? That is what I said? That was unhealthy Brian coming out again. I was completely sabotaging myself. But I did share something else with him. If a guy ever comes home with me I usually want them gone before we even get into the apartment, but when I had Ivor there in the bed with me I didn't want him to leave. I liked having him there. Interesting. I don't think that he was feeling very well though because after a little whie he just wanted to go to sleep. Perhaps he had changed his mind and was regretting coming there. Who knows. But of course I just decided to go to sleep. I liked having him there. A couple of hours later he woke up with a stomache, and I tried to do what I could but he just went back to sleep. About an hour and a half after that I woke up to find him getting ready to leave. Trying to sneak out in the middle of the night? That is not cool. You were the one who was all over me, and now your going to pull this. These guys only like me when I'm drunk.
He did wake me though, and told me that he wanted to go because his stomach hurt. He wanted to be in his own bed. That's understandable. He told me that it was nice to meet me. This is a nice enough thing to say, but to me that is something that you say to someone when you don't have any intention of ever seeing them again. He coud have said I will give you a call in the next couple of days or something like that. Nope. It was nice to meet me. He did peck me on the lips, and then he headed out. He may have uttered something about giving me a call, but it was very off the cuff. His distraction could have been from the fact that he had a stomachache, or that he was till drunk or hungover or that it was 4:30 in the morning. I'm also willing to admit that being half asleep I may haven't at my best to read the situation. But I do tend to be good at being awake even when I'm awake.
What is my take on all of this? I didn't think that this was someone that I was going to like, but actually he seemed like a really nice guy, I liked spending time with him, and for once I enjoyed hearing someone say nice things to me. And yes I was attraced to him. I don't normally think things like this, but he had a great smile. Every time I looked at it I wanted to tell him that it was amazing, but of course I kept my mouth shut. But at least I was thinking the right things! :) He seemed to like me, but I never have faith in the fact that a guy likes me. I usually attribute it to the alcohol, and whether they have liked me or not I rarely ever hear from these guys that I meet so they are only proving my theory. I mean honestly. I haven't said in this in a long time, but I actually hope that he calls. I would like to see him again. If he doesn't call me he is going to get one and only one phone call from me. Sure if nothing comes from any of this I'm going to be disappointed. I haven't actually liked a guy in as long as I can remember so at least I'm progressing in my emotional development! YAY!
Let's hope he calls...if he doesn't he'll get one phone call from me, and if nothing comes of it that will be the end of this situation. There is no sense in dwelling. If someone doesn't like you there is nothing that you can do, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut if it turns out that he isn't interested I am going to find it slightly infuriating because why do you tell someone that and ask for their phone number if you don't. If this situation turns out like that it will only re-inforce what I see as my pattern! But at least I keep trying!
I shall keep you all updated on how this situation progresses, and hopefully the next posting will start out something like this.......So I had this phone call....
You might be asking yourself at this moment why I'm regaling you with tales of me watching movies and eating cheese. It's as exciting as my life gets these days. I am sad to say it.
Luckily, the previous question was a joke. I do have something more exciting to say. Leigh and Joe arrived on Friday and we took them to In and Out and the Getty and had a great day, but we were all kind of lagging by the end of it and hadn't planned on hitting the town this particular evening. Our tunes changed after we had eaten our delectable sushi dinner. I hadn't had sushi in forever so that was a welcome treat, but it was still only 7:20 so we tried to think of what we should do, but ultimately just decided to head to Fiesta. We figured that we could catch the end of the first happy hour. Up until this point it had been a fun day and a good evening, but the evening hadn't quite swept me off of my feet just yet.
I accompanied Leigh to the bathroom because frankly there all sort of shennanigans going on in that bathroom, and Tara couldn't quite find her license and Leigh was about to burst. At some point Tara must have found her license because she popped up out of nowhere asking us what we wanted to drink, and of course my reply was a vodka tonic. That is my drink. I rarely drink anything else. I find that in many ways I am a creature of habit, and when I find a drink I tend to stick with it. Before I found my ways to vodka tonic I was drinking midouri sours. That was my drink all during my under age years, and then a couple after that. I still enjoy one from time to time, but they are a little too strong when you are having one after another in an evening, and thus my love for vodka tonics was born. What was I even talking about? Ah yes. Leigh finished in the bathroom, and we headed to meet Tara, Stephanie, and Joe at the bar when Tara decreed that we were going to go upstairs and get our drinks. I had no idea why in the moment, but apparently the bartender had been ignoring them and they didn't want to give him their tip money. I can understand that. Often in gay bars the bartenders will ignore girls which is ironice because there tend to be a lot of straight bartenders at gay bars. As long as you look good with your shirt off you can work in a gay bar. Orientation isn't so much important. We went upstairs, and got our orders in just under the 8pm wire-doubles for everyone! yay!
I had a voicemail, and it wasn't all that loud upstairs but I decided that I wanted to check it downstairs and see what was going on down there. It would give me a chance to look around and still seem like I had a purpose. I was standing there checking my voicemail, and a guy sitting down asked me if he had called. I didn't really have any idea what he was talking about, and I wanted to roll my eyes but instead I engaged with him because it's always interesting to see what seemingly weird people are going to say to you. His name was Ivor, and he wanted to know who I was talking to, and why I didn't have a boyfriend, and a myriad of other questions that I just didn't have the answer to. He was cute, very cute. But he was asking me weird questions, and saying shocking things about anyone that crossed his path just for the sake of being shocking. I wanted to return to my friends, but there was something about Ivor that I did find intriguing. So I went back upstairs thinking that I wasn't going to come back, but at the same time realizing I was saying that to myself without really believing it. I wasn't back upstairs for more then ten minutes before I decided it was time to have Leigh come downstairs with me and see if there were any cute boys. Really I wanted to see if Ivor was still down there.
He was, and at first I just sort of stood there with Leigh and we smoked a cigarette. I don't plan on doing these things this way in my head, but then the actions just take on a life of their own and I start to look as if I am Sami Brady the way that I'm behaving. I pointed out Ivor to Leigh, and he noticed that we were there and we started to engage in idle chit chat. The next few minutes is exposition more then anything else. Leigh and I were standing there and Ivor would occasionally turn to us and say something or make some sort of shocking comment. I kept saying that I had to go back to my friends, but it didn't actually happen and before I knew it Leigh was going to the bathroom and I was just full on having a conversation with Ivor and his friend. Leigh made an interesting observation earlier today. She said that he seemed to be alternately talking to me and then ignoring me as some sort of wooing strategy. That does seem to make sense, but once I didn't actually leave after I said I was going to it seemed that he had thrown his strategy out the window and we were just talking.
God knows that I have issues with guys. First of all I haven't had much luck with them. Then I do the whole keep guys that I'm interested in and that are interested in me at arms length. Why I do these things is unclear. I'm attempting to not do it anymore. Like I said earlier Ivor was making shocking comments. Comments that I wouldn't really make, and part of me thinks that he does it because he wants to put on a show or something. He has a very stand up comedy air about him. I'm sure that he would be a really funny stand up comedian, but that is neither here nor there. I have to admit that at first I wasn't sure why he was talking to me. Maybe he just enjoyed engaging random people in conversations. Who knows. Then he started talking about how much he liked my smile. I didn't want to admit this at the time, but I really liked this. Normally I hate it when people tell me nice things about myself. Compliments are like man repellent to me. When someone acts if they are interested in me is right about the time that I lose interest. That wasn't the case in these particular set of circumstances. I actually liked when he was telling me that I had a nice smile. This must be what it feels like to behave like a normal person! Oh my!
The evening proceeded like this. He was telling me how cute I was and that I had nice eyes and a nice smile. He was even telling my friends how cute I was. I hadn't quite gotten to the point where I could reciprocate the compliments. Expressing that I like someone is just as hard for me as accepting that someone likes me, but the fact that I liked the things that Ivor was saying to me was a step in the right direction. This may not seem like a big deal to any of you, but I was doing some serious analyzation in my head as to why in this particular case I liked the compliments. I still don't really have an answer for that, but I was just enjoying the fact that it was the way it was. Things were starting to wind down. The second happy hour had started, but we had all been there for a long time so people were drunk and wanting to go home. All of my friends had now migrated downstairs, and were sitting with us and all of Ivor's friends. Ivor then turns to me and tells me that if all our friends weren't here that he would kiss me. Now that is a nice thing to say. What was with me? I was enjoying hearing things I usually cringe at. Things that I usually find ridiculous. Ivor wanted to exhchange phone numbers. I was happy to give it to him, but I made sure that he knew that I didn't believe that he was actually going to call me. That probably isn't the greatest thing to say to someone that you wanted to call you, but it doesn't seem like they ever call so I might as well put it out there that while I would welcome a phone call I don't actually expect it to happen. At the time I believed that he wanted to call me, but he was drunk. My doubts don't usually start until after we have parted ways.
All of our friends left leaving the two of us alone. We walked around for a bit after we left Fiesta, and wound up standing on the sidewalk. He kissed me and then told me that he wanted to do that the whole evening. I'm falling for these things hook line sinker. The neurotic, disbelieivng, keep any guy who is nice to me at arms lenght Brian was nowhere in sight. Trust me I was looking everywhere for him, but he just did not want to make an appearance. For once. I almost didn't realize this was a good thing because I was so used to behaving in a way that was counterproductive to be a healthy and functional adult. haha. He wanted me to go home with him, but Leigh and Joe were here and I didn't want to start the next day all out of whack. I wanted to spend more time with Ivor, but I also didn't want to miss out on spending time with Leigh and Joe and Tara and Stephanie. Tara, Steph, and I had been looking forward to their visit for a long time. Finally we decided that he was going to come home with me, but I made it clear to him that I wasn't going to have sex with him. I never sleep with anyone the first night that I have met them, but these guys that I meet still want to come home with me. I don't misrepresent myself, but they still want to come. It's like I'm a hotel or something. I pick them up and give them a place to stay.
I brought him back to our apartment and chaos was reigning. Everyone was running around and drunk and I think that he thought that we were all a little crazy, but that didn't stop us from making out on my bed. He was being very nice, sweet, and tender and at one point he asked me what I was thinking. I told him that I thought that he made funny faces when he kissed. Are you kidding me? That is what I said? That was unhealthy Brian coming out again. I was completely sabotaging myself. But I did share something else with him. If a guy ever comes home with me I usually want them gone before we even get into the apartment, but when I had Ivor there in the bed with me I didn't want him to leave. I liked having him there. Interesting. I don't think that he was feeling very well though because after a little whie he just wanted to go to sleep. Perhaps he had changed his mind and was regretting coming there. Who knows. But of course I just decided to go to sleep. I liked having him there. A couple of hours later he woke up with a stomache, and I tried to do what I could but he just went back to sleep. About an hour and a half after that I woke up to find him getting ready to leave. Trying to sneak out in the middle of the night? That is not cool. You were the one who was all over me, and now your going to pull this. These guys only like me when I'm drunk.
He did wake me though, and told me that he wanted to go because his stomach hurt. He wanted to be in his own bed. That's understandable. He told me that it was nice to meet me. This is a nice enough thing to say, but to me that is something that you say to someone when you don't have any intention of ever seeing them again. He coud have said I will give you a call in the next couple of days or something like that. Nope. It was nice to meet me. He did peck me on the lips, and then he headed out. He may have uttered something about giving me a call, but it was very off the cuff. His distraction could have been from the fact that he had a stomachache, or that he was till drunk or hungover or that it was 4:30 in the morning. I'm also willing to admit that being half asleep I may haven't at my best to read the situation. But I do tend to be good at being awake even when I'm awake.
What is my take on all of this? I didn't think that this was someone that I was going to like, but actually he seemed like a really nice guy, I liked spending time with him, and for once I enjoyed hearing someone say nice things to me. And yes I was attraced to him. I don't normally think things like this, but he had a great smile. Every time I looked at it I wanted to tell him that it was amazing, but of course I kept my mouth shut. But at least I was thinking the right things! :) He seemed to like me, but I never have faith in the fact that a guy likes me. I usually attribute it to the alcohol, and whether they have liked me or not I rarely ever hear from these guys that I meet so they are only proving my theory. I mean honestly. I haven't said in this in a long time, but I actually hope that he calls. I would like to see him again. If he doesn't call me he is going to get one and only one phone call from me. Sure if nothing comes from any of this I'm going to be disappointed. I haven't actually liked a guy in as long as I can remember so at least I'm progressing in my emotional development! YAY!
Let's hope he calls...if he doesn't he'll get one phone call from me, and if nothing comes of it that will be the end of this situation. There is no sense in dwelling. If someone doesn't like you there is nothing that you can do, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut if it turns out that he isn't interested I am going to find it slightly infuriating because why do you tell someone that and ask for their phone number if you don't. If this situation turns out like that it will only re-inforce what I see as my pattern! But at least I keep trying!
I shall keep you all updated on how this situation progresses, and hopefully the next posting will start out something like this.......So I had this phone call....
posted by Unknown @ 1:35 AM
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