What Do You Like? What Are You Thinking?
I'm an open book. That is why I have no problem putting these thoughts out there for all the world to read. I'm the first person to admit that I have some serious issues when it comes to sex and intimacy. I'm great at being a friend. There is nothing that I know how to do better then be a friend. If I could make a career out of it then I would do that in a heartbeat. I could teach classes on it.
But when it comes to dating I'm not exactly at the head of the class. I have a bit of a problem giving myself over to one person to that degree, and thus I'm a bit repressed when it comes to sex and intimacy. If I don't feel comfortable around a guy then I'm not going to be able to have sex with you let alone stare into your eyes or tell you what it is that is going on in my head. That leads me to the title of this post.
Anytime I have ever hooked up with a guy or dated a guy they have asked me what do I like or what am I thinking. Usually both. When I say what do you like I don't mean foods or television shows or clothes....they are talking about what do I like sexually. It is next to impossible for me to vocalize that sort of thing. I realize that with the right person I should have no trouble voicing these things, but even with the right person I imagine that it would take a lot for me to say such things to a person, and that is why I hate that question. It is as if I become a mute, and mute is not something that I am. I always have something to say or a response to a question. That one stumps me. My brain just refuses to help me out.
The what are you thinking question I'm a litte bit better at. I think the intimacy area is the one where I'm having better luck growing. But I still find it hard to express what I'm thinking in an intimate moment. Although, I was able to put together a few sentences this weekend when asked that question so I'm moving forward in the right direction with my development.
This whole weekend has left me so overly analytical. I need to lighten up a bit I think. Those are some areas that I'm working on so once again to anyone out there who asks me these questions in an intimate moment realize that the answers aren't going to come easily to me. I'm going to need some patience, and God knows that patience is not a quality that many people are blessed with these days. I'm pretty patient most of the time so take a lesson from me. Deep breaths help.
But when it comes to dating I'm not exactly at the head of the class. I have a bit of a problem giving myself over to one person to that degree, and thus I'm a bit repressed when it comes to sex and intimacy. If I don't feel comfortable around a guy then I'm not going to be able to have sex with you let alone stare into your eyes or tell you what it is that is going on in my head. That leads me to the title of this post.
Anytime I have ever hooked up with a guy or dated a guy they have asked me what do I like or what am I thinking. Usually both. When I say what do you like I don't mean foods or television shows or clothes....they are talking about what do I like sexually. It is next to impossible for me to vocalize that sort of thing. I realize that with the right person I should have no trouble voicing these things, but even with the right person I imagine that it would take a lot for me to say such things to a person, and that is why I hate that question. It is as if I become a mute, and mute is not something that I am. I always have something to say or a response to a question. That one stumps me. My brain just refuses to help me out.
The what are you thinking question I'm a litte bit better at. I think the intimacy area is the one where I'm having better luck growing. But I still find it hard to express what I'm thinking in an intimate moment. Although, I was able to put together a few sentences this weekend when asked that question so I'm moving forward in the right direction with my development.
This whole weekend has left me so overly analytical. I need to lighten up a bit I think. Those are some areas that I'm working on so once again to anyone out there who asks me these questions in an intimate moment realize that the answers aren't going to come easily to me. I'm going to need some patience, and God knows that patience is not a quality that many people are blessed with these days. I'm pretty patient most of the time so take a lesson from me. Deep breaths help.
posted by Unknown @ 1:09 AM
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