Who Would Have Guessed? Part 2

Our quest to get into the Roosevelt Hotel was a success. We got there, and got in. This place is no joke. It is a bar that is by the ball in the Roosevelt Hotel. Now we are about to enter the brian is drunk and the boy is hot combination zone again. Of course when Michael asked who was going to buy him a drink, I voulnteered and promptly paid 31.15 for two vodka tonics. Yes, not only do I get boy crazy when I am drunk, but I get straight up stupid whipping out my credit card and buying people drinks in trendy hotel bars. I certainly know how to live in the moment, but the next day I can do nothing but slap myself on the head for that moment. The Roosevelt Hotel was what it was. We stayed there for a little while, and then proceeded to get into another cab that took us back to West Hollywood and back to Fiesta. That's right folks we went right back where we started.

Drinks were had...good times were had....Elle ordered a quesadilla that made me want to vomit. (Oh....the lovely expression of the evening was in reference to throwing up in one's own mouth and then swallowing. For some reason that was the reaction that everyone had to everything, and they needed to express in that oh so lovely way. He says having done it multiple times himself and not just during this evening). I am not sure what it was about the quesadilla sitting in front of me that was making me so ill, but it was. I literally wanted to beg Elle to stop eating that. It was making my stomach turn. So I just continued to drink. Always a good solution, and no it was not the alcohol that was making me feel sick. I had had a lot to drink over the course of the evening and had spread it out well, it was actually the nasty ass quesadilla that was sitting in front of me smeared in sour cream and guacamole that was turning me green. There are some nights when you want nothing but food when you are drunk, and there are other nights when food is repulsive. Yeah...it was the latter this time.

Kristyn, Elle, and Robert leave and now it is just me and Michael who once again proceeds to tell me that he has no friends and then runs into about seven people. We go next door to Mickey's, and what does Brian do yet again. Oh i buy him a drink. You might as well give me a membership to the moron club. We are hanging out there for a little while, and then he asks me if I want to go upstairs, which is closed, and dance and makeout. Hot boy, me drunk, making out all equates to something good. So we sneak upstairs, and in case you didn't realize this this is a bold move for me...I'm not one to shake the boat much, and we make out for a bit, and faster then a speeding bullet he has undone my pants and pulled them and my underwear down to my ankles. Nope. Nope. Nope. I realize that some may find this thrilling, but I just find it nerve wracking. I have a hard enough time clearing my mind to be in the moment when in an intimate situation with another person...adding to the fact that someone could walk in on it at any moment does not bode well for it. Faster then he took them down, they were back up much to his disappointment. I may get somewhat malleable when drunk and with a hot boy, but all of my brianness does not go out the window. When push comes to shove, the one true Brian will take over. That, however, did not stop me from agreeing to go back to his house which was very far away near the Roxy on Sunset Boulevard.

So we walked and we walked and we walked.......and we ran into some british guy who was asking for direcctions to Santa Monica. We thought that he meant Santa Monica Bouleavrd which was just up the street, but no no he was actually walking to Santa Monica, which was very very far. He is about to go on his way when Michael recognizes him from the bus earlier in the day. They know each other from the busy, and only the bus. They don't even know each other's names. Michael then offers to let this man that he has met only once to use his car to drive himself to Santa Monica. What? Am I actually witnessing this? Are you kidding me? Michael was completely serious. He was going to let him take the car. Uhm....no. The british guy, realizing that this is crazy as well thank the lord, declines his offer to which Micahel comes back with a second offer of us driving him to Santa Monica in exchange for alcohol. What? We have consumed our body weight in alcohol over the course of the evening..we do not need any more alcohol. I finally managed to break up this ridiculous encounter, and we get back to Michael's apartment.

I'm going to now leave a blank space in the blog entry, because I don't think anyone needs a detailed account of what transpired next. But after all was said and done, I was basically told to leave because he had to work in the morning...he had to be there at noon. Ok.....now I'm not looking for him to morph into my boyfriend instantly, but I had never felt more used in my entire life. It's one thing to do the walk of shame in the morning, it's a whole different thing to do it at 3:30 in the morning on Sunset boulevard. That's right folks. I had to walk home at 3:30 in the morning. All was said and done, and he was said and done with me. He tried to be nice, but it wasn't a very nice thing to do. He then offered me a yogurt for the road....what? are you kidding me? I declined the yogurt, and headed out of the apartment feeling dejected, rejected, and used. Once again I say I didn't want or expect anything from this person, but to be told to leave right after everything is said and done does not make one feel very good. Can you dig it?

I do think that Michael is a nice person, I just don't particularly like the way the situation was handled. Walk of shame at 3:30 in the morning with my only consolation being offered some yogurt on the go...doesn't that exist....the post coital go-gurt.

I'm not sure why I attract and am attracted to these strange individuals, but I think that it is worth some merit, and I also have to say that my next sexual encounter is going to be with someone that I care about. I've tried these random things, and let's be honest...the neurotic in Brian isn't good at the random things, and for that I have to thank Michael because he opened my eyes to that in a way that they had not been opened before.

On a side note...are we not ecstatic that Michelle Williams got a Best Supporting Actress nomination? I always knew that that girl had talent. I was always a Jen fan! That's right. She may be a critically acclaimed queen of the indie world now, but I remember her days from the Creek, and they are nothing to be ashamed of!

Who Would Have Guessed?

I say this all the time, but I don't think that it is something that can be said enough. It is the nights that you expect to take you absolutely nowhere that wind up taking you everywhere and back. Just to set the scene for you here...it is a random Monday in the month of January. Mondays are not exactly rip roaring parties to begin with. The work week has just started and people are probably still sort of recovering from the weekend. And could there be a month that is anymore blaise then January. If you have a birthday in January then you are lucky because it give you something to look forward to, but for the rest of us who are just coming off all of the holiday hoopla it is as if nothing is really going on. Your at the club, and the music has stopped and the lights go on, and the bartender tells you that you don't have to go home, but you can't stay here. Well if you can't stay here then where are you going to go?

Kristyn is here from NYC staying with me and working on some projects, and our other friend from NYC, Elle, lives out here as well(Elle and I have been horribly neglectful in seeing each other, but now that we have finally gotten our act together we have a future of many fun nights ahead of us!), and the three of us decided to go out for happy hour. We went through a lot of different options, but ultimately decided on going to Fiesta. I swear that I am cosmically linked to this bar, because I always wind up there. Yes, they have happy hour seven days a week twice night-two for one drinks that are very very strong, but it seems as if even when I am trying to go some place else the pull of Fiesta is intoxicating to all that are around me. For a brief moment it looked as if we were going to go to the Abbye, but that quickly fell apart and it was off to Fiesta, which of course meant that I didn't have to make myself look cute. I mean my hair was not done, and I was in the green American Apparell jacket that I wear all the time and my new balance sneakers. Hell I hadn't even shaved, and while I was by no means a disaster I would have pulled myself together a little bit more if we had gone to the Abbye. I have learned through many visits to Fiesta that there is no reason for me to do myself up for the trashy little bar that is Fiesta.

The night really did start out innocently enough. Elle, Kristyn, and I were having drinks and talking and having a good time. Kristyn was thinking about going to meet another friend. Kristyn and I got to meet Elle's boyfriend. It was a chill night in which we were catching up and hanging out. Apparently that was only the calm before the storm, because in almost the blink of an eye the entire course of the evening changed. We were on our second or third doubles of the evening, so we were all feeling pretty good, and that is when Elle went to the bathroom, and came back with Michael. Michael is a hairdresser who wanted to do Elle's hair, and then he saw Kristyn and wanted to do her hair as well. It was a flurry of him writing his phone number down, and telling them all the wonderful colors that he could put in their hair, and the next thing that we knew he was sort of with our party. We had gotten a new friend.

A new friend who had ADD. Michael wasn't really able to hold one conversation for longer then thirty seconds before either being distracted by something or someone or completely changing the topic without any warning whatsoever. He also seemed to have a vocabulary that consisted of the words dude or rad. Later on in the evening, I told him that he was very Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, because that was all that I could think of when he would use those words. I have never heard anyone say dude as much as this guy did. It was like he was being paid by the dude commission to re-introduce the term among the twenty-somethings of america. Memo to the Dude Commission: it is never coming back so recall your recruits.

To me Michael is the LA equivalent of a NY hipster, except NY hipsters do more then talk the talk. They also walk the walk. The LA hipsters, much like everyone else in LA, only talk the talk. The other thing people in LA love to do, and Michael was very much a member of this party: say that they have no friends yet run into eight people as you walk down the street and have their phone ring so much that it is burning and vibrate with text messages with such frequency that it could take flight. You have no friends, Michael, really? Then why do you know every person who has come in the bar, and why do you check your phone every ten seconds. When I am in NY, I run into people all the time, and my phone does tend to ring off the hook, but I don't pretend not to have any friends.

But that is a little tangent, back to the evening. Other then his ADD, Michael seemed like a cool kid so we were fine with him hanging out with us, but here is where the evening took a turn for the weird. I went to the bathroom, and as I was standing there Michael came out of the bathroom and started to tell me that his American Express Gift Card was not working, but the back of the card didn't have a phone number. Since I buy into the American Express slogan of never leaving home without it, was able to whip my Amex card out and give him the phone number on the back of it. Well he didn't want to actually do the talking, he wanted me to do it. Why does he want someone that he has known for twenty-five minutes to call American Express and deal with his faulty card? The better question is why did the fool who is sitting here telling you this story actually agree to do it. I'll tell you why....I was drunk and he was a cute boy, and when you mix cute boys....let me change that....this boy was hot....and when you mix a drunk Brian with a hot boy that is a recipe for disaster. As a matter of fact it is a recipe that they need to take out of the cookbook because nothing tasty ever comes out of it.

Of course I was soon faced with the obstacle of knowing nothing about this person, and had to hand over the phone to him. Shocking I knew nothing about someone that I had known for twenty-five minutes. He resolved his issue, and we rejoined Elle and Kristyn. Elle, being the party girl that she is, had called a friend and gotten the names of a few places that we could go, one of which Elijiah Wood apparently djed at on Monday night's. With Michael in tow, we headed out of Fiesta and towards this bar which was I have no idea where. Everyon decided that it would be a good idea if we took a cab, and I have to say that they were right because we were all trashed, but my question was where were we going to find a cab in LA and a cab that was going to fit five people to boot. Elle suggested that we find a van cab. To me this sounded ridiculous. I didn't even think that we were going to be able to find a cab, let alone a van cab. Unfortunately, this is LA not NYC. Guess what drove past us at that moment? A van cab. That's right. We didn't get it because he didn't stop when we waved him down, but it was there. It was a van cab. I was shocked. Then I was shocked again when we actually found a cab, and he let us seat four people in the back and one in the front. Apparently the cab drivers in LA are less of a stickler for the rules then the cab drivers in NYC, because for the most part that will not fly in New York. They will drive away with the door open before they let five people in the car.

What felt like five years later we arrived at the bar, that we could not get into. Yes, that is right my friends we were rejected entrance from this shitty little bar on a Monday night that had no one it. I think there might have been four very unhappy looking people milling about in there. Why could we not get in it you may be asking yourself? There was a list. This shit hole bar had a list. Apparently that waste of space bar had a list every Monday night. It was some kind of private party for a promoter. It was some kind of lame party is what it was.

Not one to be deterred, Elle led us onward till we reached a bar which name I don't remember. We went in to use the restroom, and Elle's boyfriend Robert got a beer, which was promptly placed in Elle's purse when Elle and Kristyn got out of the bathroom. But that beer was not enough because we were on our way to the Roosevelt Hotel, and in the meantime we needed to have some liquid refreshment from a liquor store. Elle took herself into the liquor store, bought a bottle of vodka and some mountain dew, dumped half of the mountain dew on the street, and proceeded to make a very very strong combination of mountain dew and vodka which was passed around to all. Yes, that is correct, we were all sharing a badly mixed moutain dew and vodka combination next to the Carl's Jr. on Sunset Boulevard with an LA hipster named Michael that we had known for all of an hour. Good times.

It's A Little Thing that I like to Call Getting a Grip, Part 2

I would like to preface the next part of this story by saying I realize that these things that I sometimes do are not appropriate actions to take, and I realize that sometimes I get a little carried away....but I think that we all do. And mind you it is not like these sort of things happen everyday...maybe more then me to others, but not everybody.

A couple of weeks after my encounter with Kyle, I went to see a show downtown with Greg and then went out for some drinks with Greg and one of his friends from the Graduate Musical Theater Writing Program. To be perfectly honest with all of you, I am not quite sure of the name of the person. At this point, I still had Kyle's watch and the promises of several dates, all of which had been broke. I'm convinced the only reason that I had even gotten him to answer the phone was because he did want his watch back at some point. I had moved into pissed off with the situation, and I thought I was just going to ignore it for the evening. Yeah, right. We went to a bar on second avenue, and at that point I was in a Vodka and Red Bull stage. I think that I had five or six Vodka and Red Bulls. When I say that I was drunk that evening it goes beyond that.....that evenings ranks as one of my drunkest evenings...I'm talking top three. I certainly wasn't as drunk this evening as I was the night of Norah and Mike's wedding, but I was pretty close.

I thought that it would be a great idea to have Greg call Kyle(you see this nonsense of having someone else call a boy's phone did not start with Rob...I need help, or I don't know...to get a grip perhaps.), and pretend that he was someone other then Greg. Apparently, Kyle has a lot of random people calling him because when Greg said that he was Ethan or some such name, Kyle just pretended to know him, and told Greg where he was hanging out. Bad idea....bad idea...oh let me say it again....bad idea. Kyle happened to be in the east village as well so I decided that we were going to go to that bar, bump into Kyle, and pretend it was an accident. Uhm....who the hell is going to believe that? If I had been with someone who was trying to do this, I would have done anything in my power to stop the situation, but when I come up with these inane ideas I go right through with them as if they are the best notions in the world. I tink that Greg might have tried to c onvince me that it wasnt't the best idea in the world, but I was so hopped up on caffeine or whatever it is that is in Red Bull, and at the same time drunk from the Vodka that I was listening to no one. I was practically running down the street. I was in fact a crazy person.

Are there any guesses as to what happened when I got to the bar and was confronted with Kyle? Did he run into my open arms? Yes he did. He saw me...came over and we kissed. It was absolutely the last thing I expected to happen, but I wouldn't accept his kiss....mostly because that is not what happened at all! :) He actually blew me off, which apparently upset me to the point of hysterical crying. I then proceeded to walk down the street refusing to allow Greg or his friend to come near me because I was the most embarassed that I had been in my whole life. I wasn't getting any more sober, but I was beginning to see the situation for what it was.

I then left voicemails for people in my hysterical state. Never a good thing. I didn't enjoy talking to those people the next day when the alcohol had left my system, and I realized that it wasn't the end of the damn world.

Greg, being the wonderful friend that he is, didn't really care that I went crazy for a night. But I did hear from Kyle a few days later...and he wanted to get together. Translation: He wanted to finally get his watch back. I was going to be at my weekly chipotle lunch with Greg, Sara, and Selda so I decided to have him just meet me down by St. Mark's Place, but by the time we finished lunch he wasn't answering his damn phone. If he stood me up one more time, his watch was going to get smashed into pieces, and he was going to recieve a voicemail detaling every motion that I had made. I decided to give him a few minutes, and went to meet Vashti at Rubin who once again re-iterated her belief that I should just smash the watch. Then Kyle called wanting to know why I had gone up to 10th and 5th. Well because you weren't answering your phone for twenty minutes you moron. I'm not going to sit around and wait for you!

He got huffy with me for standing me up. It's not my fault he was choosing this day to break his pattern and actually show up. I gave him the option of coming to meet me where I was or to meet me another day. Shock of shocks he chose to come and meet right then and there, and Vashti waited with me. When he got there she simply glared at him being the good friend that she is. We walked away, and he made some sort of comment about me not introducing him to my friend, to which I responded that I had felt no need to introduce him......I wanted to add since I won't ever see you again after this asshole, but I refrained myself from creating another situation.

We went to the starbucks on 8th street, and engaged in about twenty or twenty five minutes of meaningless chatter that would have been fine if we were on a real date, but since we both knew he just wanted to get his watch back I was just getting angry that he was making me waste my time with this pre-tense of a date. Personally, I was going to avoid the whole situation of me showing up at the bar, but he of course had to ask if I had had a friend call him that night that we ran into each other at the bar. What is a guy to do when confronted with his stalker like action? Deny it of course. I told him that it was a damn accident that I ran into him and if he thinks that I put that much time into thinking about him he needs to get a reality check. I made sure he knew how insulted I was. He pretended to believe me, I doubt that he did because it was obvious that it was me. That doesn't mean I would ever admit it to him. Short of him reading this blog, which I find highly unlikely, I will deny to him that it was anything other then a coincidence that we ran into each other that night. As a matter of fact even if he were to read this blog I would deny that I had anything to do with running into him.

Being sufficiently uncomfortable, I finally took out his damn watch and gave it to him hoping that that would be the end of our time together, but then he insisted on walking me to where I was going, hug me, and make some pretense about calling me when he got back from South America. Yay right. Did you even go to South America?

Do you now realize why I need to get a grip?

It's A Little Thing that I like to Call Getting a Grip

There are people who are reading these blogs that come from all different aspects of my life, and thus people have known me for different lengths of time, and there are plenty of stories in my life that many don't know simply because they were not there, and since their is comedic value to be mined out of these stories I thought that I would tell a couple of them to you.

Yes, the title of this entry is referring to myself because there are times when I need to get a God damn grip. I mean seriously. This story that I am about to tell you actually happened over a year ago. About two weeks after my 25th birthday, I was hanging out with my friend Ranise. It was a sunday night, and she decided that she wanted to go to Starlight. On Sunday night Starlight has a lesbian night, and that is precisely why she wanted to go. Ranise has this fascination with wanting to be a lesbian, and thus has on more then one occassion has gone to a sunday night at starlight with me in tow. But I know that she likes her the men too much to actually be a lesbian. This was the first sunday that we went. Starlight is still a gay bar even if it has a focus on lesbians on sunday nights. There are still gay men there, but on this particular Sunday night I don't think I really felt like going out. I looked as bad as I could possibly look in clothes that were as ugly as ugly could possibly be. I think I had been running around all day because I most definitley had a bag with me. I was in no condition to be going out, but it isn't exactly hard to convince me to go out for a drink, but I agreed since I figured while there would probably be guys at starlight there would be far more girls and the liklihood of me seeing anyone that I thought was cute would be next to nothing.

Have I learned nothing? Whenever these sorts of circumstances and conditions conspire to come together, exactly what you have convinced yourself is not going to happen is going to happen. We hadn't even been in that bar for ten minutes when I saw Kyle. He was about my height....average build...short dark hair. There was nothing particularly special about him, but he must have been giving off pheremones or something because I found myself wildly attracted to him. I can never really tell if a guy is interested in me. I thought that he was looking at me, but I wasn't exactly sure. I kept trying to make eye contact while avoiding making eye contact. How does one do that? I have no idea. I'm sick in the head.

I was standing in the corner, and I was getting more and more convinced that this guy was definitley checking me out, and I gave him enough looks so that he knew that I too was looking at him, but he wasn't coming over to me. I hate making the first move. There is nothing that I hate more then having to go over to a guy and start a conversation. All of that meeting and beginning stuff is probably my least favorite part of the dating game, and of course it is about as far as I have gotten lately. In this particular case, I wasn't quite ready to make the move so I though that I would enlist Ranise in the matter, and have her see if she thought that he was looking at me. Unable to be subtle, she made a spectacle of the situation and then decided that he was probably looking at the guy behind me. That's what friends are for(she was wrong incidentally).....I think I said something like damn you, and then went and sat on the other side of the bar with my back to Kyle so that Ranise could see if hsi eyes stayed where they had been or moved with me. Well he moved. He came over and stood by us for a few minutes, and then walked away. Damn him again for not making the move.

I then drag Ranise to the back of the bar so that we can stand against the wall that was opposite the bar where he was standing. Ranise decided to tell me that if I didn't go and talk to him I would probably get hit by a bus and die. I mean I think that girl should be a motivational speaker. I continued to look at Kyle, but bicker with her over the nonsensical comment that she had made, and then in a wave of confidence just walked towards Kyle and introduced myself. We talked for a while, and yes I of course found him to be even cuter when I started to talk to him. Another one of his friend's arrived, and he said that he watned to talk to her, but for me to not leave. So I went back to Ranise, and we discussed what had just transpired when Kyle came over to talk to us. It seemed like he was into me, but I didn't think that he was going to actually comeback. But he did, and started to talk to me and Ranise. And then he was just talking to Ranise who was monopolizing the conversation. I gritted my teeth and politely laughed at things that were said, but all the while I was stepping on her foot harder and harder because although she was getting the message she refused to wrap up the conversation. Finally she kicked me and I had to stop. Kyle apparently was oblivious to the whole thing, although how he could have been I am not sure. I should have taken that as a sign that he was into no one but himself.

Finally, Ranise left. And then Kyle and I left shortly after that. We made out on the street a bit, and then got in a cab and went back to my apartment. I realize that I have a bit of a pattern, that is not the point. Then he made some off color remark about having left his travel book in his friend's car. Like most people, after hearing a vague comment about travel I asked where it was that he was going. Apparently he was going to go to South America for six months, and then come back to the city for medical school. I am not one hundred percent certain, and at the time I did not consider this for no other reason then I am a fool, but I'm pretty sure that he was making that up. I think he just wanted to make sure that he couldn't really get into anything serious with me. He just wanted me to put out by making me think that he liked me. The oldest trick in the book! We then passed a brownstone in the cab, and he told me that when he was a rich doctor he wanted to buy it for us and take care of me. What? Laying it on a little thick, buddy. You see, though, this was before the whole getting a grip thing...and I had a few drinks in me......and I liked the thought of having a boyfriend...so I fell for that line. Yes, I admit it. I am laying it all out there.

There was something about this guy that I found to be intoxicating so I slept with him, and no I am not talking about slumber. The next morning he rushed out of the apartment, and I do not think that he was going to volunteer his phone number, but when I suggested that we exchange phone numbers he was like oh of course, but then said he thought that we should write them down because he didn't like to put phone numbers in his phone. Now, even I though that this was a little ridiculous. It was in that moment that I started to think that there was something fishy about this guy. But I wrote down the number nonetheless......and when he left I managed to convince myself that it was just a quirky little thing that he had. Weeks later I managed to convince myself that i am a moron for believing that.

I think that that would have been the end of my daliance with Kyle, but he had left his watch at my apartment. Yes....yes I did. I called him a few times, and he blew me off. and blew me off some more. Me, being nice to the point of stupidity, wanted to give him the damn watch back against the advice of many a friend who suggested that I smash it. I don't think I have quite the flair for the dramatic that it takes to actually do that, but considering the turn that this story takes I think that I might......

Adventures in Comedy Clubbing....

So Krystyn is in town to work on a couple of jobs, and I am ever so glad to have her staying with me. Last night, the two of us went to a comedy show at the Laugh Factory. Her friend Theo is the host of the show, and was able to get us free tickets. YAY! for free tickets. In these days of me being ever so frugal, I am more then happy to go to free events.

Now...the comedians were less then funny. There was one guy that was from New York that was funnier then the rest, but for the most part I think that I would have been funnier...hold on let me correct that last statement...I know that I would have been funnier then most of the people that were on that stage. But I guess I should not point fingers because I am not on that stage....just wait....come this summer I'm going to be tearing up the stages hopefully. People are going to be rolling out of their chairs, tears streaming down their cheeks, grasping their stomach with pain as the fits of laughter overtake them. Where is this going to be happening you may be asking yourself? That is to be determined, but come this summer I will be tearing it up. I have a new sense of motivation and drive, but that is a discussion for another day.

If the comedians were so terrible, then why am I telling you about them? I'm not. I want to tell you what went on at the actual show...other hen show. Apparently it was college night at the Laugh Factory, and apparently this only draws freshmen in college. These were the loudest, most obnoxious, most poorly dressed group of eighteen year olds that I had ever seen in my life.

A lot of them were smoking cloves. Apparently that is an eighteen year old thing. Krystyn confimed that she too smoked cloves when she was eighteen. As did I. Obviously the smoking thing continued, but I stopped with the cloves. What is it about eighteen year olds that makes them want to smoke cloves? I think that it has something to do with trying anything and everything that you can. If it's legal...well if it is illegal too...but especially if it is legal they will try it.

So they were smoking their cloves and screaming, and laughing far more then was neccesary, and of course giggling as they flashed their fake ids to get their screwdrivers. A screwdriver seems like a day drink to me. Not even brunch. Like a 2pm drink as you stand at the window in the library, staring at the young teenagers in love frolicking on the grounds. Of course you have drawn the curtains, and you let them fall covering the window as you grasp your screwdriver and vow to keep them apart because that young ruffian is not acceptable for your high society daughter. Yes...I see a waspy type person drinking a screwdriver. Do you like where the image of screwdrivers took me? Where it does not take me is to underage obnoxious USC students sitting behind me laughing uncontroablly at things that are not funny. Drink a beer....a vodka cranberry. But a screwdriver? The waitress was carrying like twelve of them.

I know that I was, hell I still am, a little kooky at the age of eighteen but I refuse to believe that I was as obnoxious as these kids, mostly because I have always known how to hande myself in public, and these children seemed to be out in public for the first time. But it would be unfair to say that it is only the young that do not know how to conduct themselves when out and drinking, because clearly forty-five year old fat men don't know how to do it either.

Yes, there were two extremely overweight forty-five year old fat men sitting next to Krystyn and I...sort of. Luckily there was a few steps that were separating us from them so we didn't so much have to really deal with them so much as watch them. I don't know if they thought that they were being funny or if they were just that stupid, but they kept breaking glasses...in their hands. Actually...I saw them knock two on the floor, and then I saw two actually break in this man's hands. Has he never picked up something that is made of glass? I'm not sure if he has. They were also leering and cat calling every woman that was walking past them. I guess since I am a homosexual that is a foreign concept to me, but I can't imagine why they would think anyone would respond to the vulgar things that they were saying. It is baffling to me.

And that was our night at the Laugh Factory|!

My First Crush......

Have I ever discussed the first boy that I lusted after? I don't think at the time I realized that I was lusting after him....I just thought that I really liked him at the time. The thought of sex didn't really cross my mind....kissing yes...but sex no. Who is this mysterious individual you may ask? Zack Morris otherwise known as Mark Paul Gosselear who only gets hotter the older that he gets and while he may be married with two kids that doesn't mean I don't hold a small torch that he will someday realize the love that he holds for me, and while remaining a devoted father, will come and make all my dreams come true.

I jest....sort of. I hope that Mark Paul and his wife and their son and the daughter that they are expecting are very happy for the rest of their lives. You know back in my pre-adolesence before I really realized what sex was and what these feelings I was having for Zack Morris were, I thought that I had a crush on Tiffany Amber-Thiessen. Yes...that is correct....none other then Kelly Kapowski. You see at the time I would look at Zack and Kelly and want what they had, and while a part of me knew very well that it was Zack that I wanted I did manage to delude myself into thinking that it was Kelly that I wanted. I didn't want Kelly...I wanted to be Kelly. Not in the I wanted to be a woman sort of way, but in the I wanted to be making out with Zack Morris sort of way. Yes...and let me say that while I did enjoy his bleach blonde hair during his tenure on Saved By The Bell...I am an even bigger fan of his darker NYPD Blue/Commander in Chief hair. Ever Carradine is so lucky getting to play his love interest on Commander in Chief.

But why is it that I am talking about Mark Paul Gosselear all of a sudden? I didn't think that there was much that could surprise me, but over the past few days there has been entertainment news galore that has sent shockwaves through my television viewing habits(that is a post for another place.....be on the lookout for a spinoff of my blog). I digress. What I would like to impart to you is the fact that Mark Paul Gosselear was nominated for best male performer in a television series(NYPD Blue) in the 2006 Asian Excellence Awards.

Mark Paul Gosselear is not Asian you may be saying to yourself at this very moment. Well go right back to yourself and tell yourself that you are wrong because in fact Mark Paul Gosselear is half Indonesian. Am I the only one that has been blindsided by this revelation? I had no idea that Mark Paul Gosselear was half indoensian. I would never have guessed it.

I just got another little insight into my husband to be....

The Night That We Could Get Nothing That We Wanted

My last night in New York City was going to be spent going to dinner with Adam, Zack, Sara, and Selda and then going to see Match Point. We went to the Thai restaurant...and they brought our food out in no particular order. There were appetizers that were ordered that came out after the main course, and there were meals, Adam's, that didn't even come.

The time for the movie was quickly rolling near and Adam was still waiting for his food. Sara, Zack, and I went to get the tickets at the Times Square AMC down the street, but the showing that we were going to was sold out. Great. We called Adam and Selda and told them to meet us downtown at the Loews on 3rd and 11th because there was a showing of Match Point there in an hour. Well.....the show we wanted to go and see, and the show after that were sold out leaving only the midnight showing which didn't seem like a good idea. So we left a message for Adam and Selda, who were on the train thinking that we had tickets to Match Point in our hands, and headed across the street to Rocket Wraps so that Sara could get this vegetable juice that was a mixture of carrots, cucumbers, and beets. I think that it is vile, but it is a healthy drink and so God love Sara for being able to get it down.

Sara orders the drink, after we had laughed about the course of the evening thus far and how funny it would be if they were missing one of the ingredients, and lo and behold right as they are about to start blending it together they remember that they are out of cucumbers. Once again we are foiled! Ok...that is fine. Our quest can continue. Sara also wanted to get a fig newton. I am not lying to you when I said that we went to six delis to find these fig newtons, and no one had them. One guy told us that he would be getting them in later in the week so we could come back then if we wanted. Thanks. Is a Fig Newton really something that you want to wait a few days to get? I don't think so.

Finally, after we had left the last deli, but stood outside of it because Adam and Selda were crossing the street to get to us, one of the people who worked in the deli came rushing outside looking for Sara to show her where the fig newtons were! Oh happy day! Our fortune is changing!

We then went to the Care Orlin or the Yaffa Cafe...I can't remember which....where I had the most amazing oreo cheescake. It was decadence to the extreme.... and they let us sit there for like two and a half hours even though there were people waiting for tables, and we had stopped ordering. We weren't even drinking!

We left there, and Sara asked us if we wanted to go and meet Perry and her boyfriend at Fiddlesticks for a drink. We were all sort of tired, but went anyway. After a few minutes there, Adam and Zack decided that they were going to go home since they weren't drinking anything, and Selda was ready to leave as well. I was perfectly content to head back with them, but I can always be convinced to stay out for a drink, and so I agreed to stay for one drink with Sara as long as they took credit card since I had nothing on me.

Well I get in there, and Perry's boyfriend buys the drinks for me and Sara. He then proceeds to buy us all a bottle of champagne....then he bought us all shots of Petron(I don't usually do tequila, but that was some high quality stuff that went down very smoothly!), and then he decided to buy another bottle of champagne. Before that got started, Sara and I decided to go out for a cigarette. We came back in, and Perry was tired and ready to go home so they were getting ready to head out, but he felt badly so he bought Sara and I another drink each instead of the bottle of champagne, and Sara and I finished the first bottle of champagne! We were very pleasantly tipsy, and we hadn't spent any money at all. Perry's boyfriend seemed like a really nice guy, and he bought Sara and I all those drinks which he did not have to do!

The night that would give us nothing that we wanted turned into a really fun evening. Maybe the night decided that it knew what we really wanted, so instead of givinig us what we thought we wanted it gave us what we really wanted!

Quick TidBits...

These are just a couple of things that I thought were funny, but didn't neccesarily need their own post.

When I was riding the subway back into the city from Queens after my evening with Rob, I was sitting there on the never ending train ride, even on the express it was long, and I started to look at the ads on the train. Most of them were about joining the police force. I'm at a bit of a crossroads in my life, and I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself, and for a moment I actually thought about it. For a split second I told myself that I could become a cop. Uhm...sure I could become a cop, but would that be a good thing for me, the New York City Police Department, or New York City as a whole...no. I'm a nervous person, and the last thing that I need to be doing is looking for criminals as I carry a loaded weapon. Guaranteed I would shoot myself in the foot after no more then a month on the force. Yeah....that thought faded fast.

I can't remember who I was introducing myself to, but I was told their name, I stuck out my hand to shake theirs, and I almost introduced myself as Jamie. What? My name is Brian. I'm not exactly sure of all names I would say my name is Jamie, or why I was even saying the wrong name in the first place. It's a mystery. Perhaps one that will never be solved.

New Year's Eve

I realize that there are many people who are not fans of New Year's Eve, because a lot of time it can be all build up and no pay off. I think that New Year's Eve probably offers the most pay off to people who never go out. People build it up because that is one of the only nights they have to go out and party. However, and I've discussed this with friends-this isn't actually my theory-I believe it was Sara that pointed all of this out, me and most of the friends that I have are people that like to go out all year round so we don't need New Year's Eve to cut loose and be crazy.

That being said, that doesn't mean that I don't like to have fun on New Year's Eve. You have just got to avoid the hype, unless the hype is your thing then more power to you.

This year we had a little soiree at Greg's apartment. There were a lot of different people in and out of the place, and it was a good time. There were drinks, and food, and good friends, and Degrassi. Yes, that is right you read that correctly. There was Degrassi. As much as I loathe the notion, I suppose that there are people in the world who have no idea what Degrassi is. It is a teen soap that is produced for Candian television, but the N, which is a channel that I believe is a division of Nickelodeon, has been airing the show in the United States for the past few years. This is a show that does not shy away from presenting crazy things....the slogan is that it goes there, and oh does it ever.

Here are just a few of the highlights:

In the first episode, Emma, she would probably be considered our main heroine, went to the hotel room of an internet predator(of course not realizing that he wasn't a boy her own age), and was nearly raped; seasons later after Emma got gonnoria from oral sex with Jay in the back of his van

Manny was sleeping with Craig while he was with Ashley, and she got pregnant and had an abortion but eventually won Craig over for herself, and then in subsuquent seasons decided that she wanted to be an actress and took off her top for the camera of the son of the principal of their school;

Rick, a boy who had been relentlessly picked on, mostly because he had been dating Terry, hitting her, and eventually put her in a coma(many people seem to think that Terry is still in the coma, but she did in fact wake up) brought a gun to school after he had been tarred and featherd by a prank orchestrated by Spinner, Jay, and Alex. The catch....Rick thought that it was Jimmy who had set it up. It didn't help that Emma had rejected his romantic advances mistaking her pity for love.....Rick shot Jimmy in the back leaving him paralyzed, nearly shot Emma who was rescued by Sean, making him a reluctant hero, and killed himself. The fall out continued when Spinner's involvement was discovered and all of his friends turned on him.

So yeah..Degrassi goes there, and it never stops because those are only a few of the highlights....I could go on and on and on about the stuff that goes on on that show, but the point of this whole tirade about Degrassi was the fact that the N was showing it the entire New Year's weekend. A marathon! Oh my! So the party simply had to become a Degrassi marathon...because quite frankly I don't know anyone that can resist Degrassi!

The evening was, for the most part(and I will get to the for the most part portion of the evening in a little bit), uneventful, but in a good way. It was fun and we were hanging out, but it wasn't any kind of craziness. However, there was a bit of craziness after midnight. I had been talking about doughnuts the whole time that I had been in New York City. I am not sure why I had a hankering for doughnuts, but I did. So Adam, Zack, Sara, and I went downstairs to the Dunkin Doughnuts that is right below Greg's apartment and got a doughnut. Sara and I decided to have a cigarette, but we didn't have any so we went next door to the King's Head Tavern, and asked to bum a couple from some of the people, and one guy happily gave us two cigarettes, and also asked if I wanted herpes. Yes, I was offered herpes on New Year's Eve(I bet right at this moment you are thinking that that is the crazines...well my friends, let me tell you, it is it not.) I happily accepted the cigarettes, but I politely declined the herpes. Why would you ask someone that? It's almost a rhetorical question, because really do you need someone to answer that. Is there any answer but no to that question? Perhaps a more colorful way of saying no, but the message is the same. And if you are saying yes to that question, you need to sit down and have a long talk with yourself about perhaps changing your outlook on life.

The four of us went back upstairs, and put our coats in Greg's bedroom. Pat and Selda were sitting on the futon, which was in couch mode, apparently watching Degrassi, but thinking back on it I do think that I thought to myself that there was something weird going on in that room. But I was tipsy, and shrugged it off to go into the kitchen to chat with my friends. A few minutes later, Adam comes out of the bedroom looking a little shocked, and then a few seconds after that Selda comes bounding out of the room, laughing.

Bahrat, who is Greg's roommate, had a friend who was very drunk, sitting on Greg's window sill smoking a cigarette, and practically falling out of the window. Of course this is a situation that must be handled so Greg went to get Bahrat who went to get the friend, who is female...that is important to remember, of the girl who was sitting on the window sill. Apparently window sill girl had just broken up with her boyfriend, and was very upset by it. Female friend of girl in the window sill came into the room to make sure that her friend was okay, leaned down to ask her if she was okay, and then the two of them proceeded to make out. Yes...she asked if her friend was okay, and then stuck her tongue down her throat to make sure that she was okay. WHAT? I am very sad that I left the room, and missed that because it is one of the most random things that I have ever heard in my entire life, and if nothing else I like random things.

Continued Adventures In Dating... Part 2

Thursday night came, and I went to meet Rob at, Excess, which is the bar that we had met at. I was standing outside of the bar, and I saw what I thought was Rob cross the street and stand next to the door, but on the other side of me. I would occasionally look over in his direction, wondering if that was him. I was almost certain that it was him, but for whatever reason I did not want to be the person to make the initial contact. Of course he then went inside, and realizing that it was him, I then had to go inside and make the first move, and laugh about the fact that we were standing right next to each other without realizing it, when in fact I most certainly did realize it. Maybe he was thinking the exact same thing? He didn't let on that he was, but if that were the case then we really would be a match made in heaven.

We sat down at the bar, got drinks, and started to chat and I soon realized that I was talking to someone who was well versed in television. I mean he had a working knowledge of General Hospital, and owned all seven seasons of Buffy on DVD. If that is not someone that I want to get to know further, then I don't know who is. Needless to say, I'm sure I made myself sound insane when we were talking about these particular subjects, because I do realize that I have tendency to talk about characters on television shows that I really love, particularly General Hospital, as if they are real people. I know that they aren't, and I'm not trying to make it sound like I am talking about my neighbor, but I have very strong opinions about my shows, and that comes out.

More drinks were had, we continued to talk and I realized that from what I was learning it seemed that we had that oh so rare mix of enough things in common so we our interests weren't completely foreign to one another, but at the same time had enough differences so it wasn't like dating your clone. The more that we had to drink, the cuter that I thought he was. Don't get me wrong, I thought that he was completely adorable stone cold sober. This is definitley someone I would have been interested in even if I hadn't met him when I was drunk, but now that I was veering off into drunk land his cuteness factor was just upping by the minute.

We decided to go to G, I'm pretty sure at my suggestion, and who did I see when I was walking back to Rob from the bathroom at G. Ruddy! That's right it was Ruddy who was on date! Once again, this would have been an exciting turn of events if I had been stone cold sober, but the fact that I had had like three vodka tonics only made the coincidence all the more exciting since I hadn't seen Ruddy in all that long. The rest of our time in G, not the rest of our evening mind you but the rest of our time in G, is a little bit hazy, but I do know, and I have no idea who made the first move, that Rob and I started making out at one point. At more then one point as a matter of fact, and apparently, although I'm not sure this is entirely true, I spilled his drink on him when I went in for a kiss at one point. I have no idea how that would have happened, but I of course offered to buy him another drink. I went to the ATM to get more cash, only to discover the next day that the numbers on my reciept didn't match the numbers on my card but the reciept had my name on it and the right amount was debited from my account. I'm pretty sure that it is a mystery that is never going to be solved because the bank had no answers for me, and short of them I have no idea who would handle that situation.

I gave Rob his drink, and he asked me if I want to come to his apartment, in Queens, and spend the night making it very clear that this wasn't an invitation for sex, but he did want me to come over. Goodness knows I love nothing more then invitations for ambigous sleepovers when I am drunk so I immediately said yes, and we left right there on the spot. Of course I said goodbye to Ruddy first. And I think Rob finished his drink, but it felt like it had been right away.

Let me tell you something...the train ride felt like it took nine years. I thought that I had aged by the time that we got back to his apartment in the depths of Queens. It was a cute neighborhood, and a very nice apartment, but it was still very very far away. We made out a little bit that night, but nothing happened. Which was fine for me. I took him at his word that he was just inviting me over to sleep. The next morning was a little bit awkward, but not in a bad way, and there was more making out. It was a really good date. One of the better ones that I have had in as long as I could remember, but when I left him to head back into the city i wasn't sure how we should end things since I wasn't going to be back back in the city until June. He said he had a really good time as well, but I always doubt it when boys tell me that after the fact. That is my own hangup, I am sure that he meant it. We decided to stay in touch.

We parted ways, and I headed back into the city. It wasn't until I was back in the city that I remembered that he had told me that he didn't really have any plans for New Year's Eve, and here we were having a soiree at Greg's apartment. Normally, I wouldn't call someone the day afte the first date, but I wanted to invite him to the party and I thought it was better to give him more rather then less notice. I left him a message, and then never heard from him again. By the time New Year's Eve had rolled around I was a little annoyed because even if he didn't want to come he could have returned my call or sent me a text message or something. We live in an era that enables us when we want to passive aggresively respond to someone. It is not very hard to reject someone without ever actually having to see or talk to them! Even though I didn't get a response to my invitation, I still texted him Happy New Year. I was tipsy, and I wanted to see if he would respond.

He did. At like four in the afternoon on New Year's Day. A bit anticlimactic...I wasn't really sure what to think about what was going through his head. Maybe, like every other guy that I have dated, he only said he had a good time deluding me into thinking that he actually did. But, then, later that night he sent me a text to have a safe flight...that was encouraging...althiugh I wasn't sure what to read into it. God forbid I take something for what it is rather then ascribing some grand meaning to it. I texted him back thanks and keep in touch and that horse and pony show, and then about a week later I got a text from him asking if I was in LA safe and sound.

Hmmmm.....not sure what to make of that one. I, of course, responded with yes and another mention of talking soon or something like that. It has been a couple of weeks and there hasn't been any contact between us. When I get back to New York, I'll probably call him and see what is what. Maybe we can hang out some more and see what happens. Maybe we will talk between now and then, although I have yet to make any phone calls and neither has he...perhaps because there is only so much time you can spend on the telephone. And maybe nothing at all will come of this, but it is fun to imagine that something will, and if there is anyone who likes to make things bigger then they are it is me. I'm thinking that that is a habit that I am going to need to break.

Continued Adventures In Dating...

So many of the posts that I am about to make are things that happened quite some time ago, but since I have been seriously slacking with the blog, it is all about catch up right now. So here it goes.

I spent Christmas and New Year's back in New York, and that was the best way to spend the holidays. I think that these holidays were some of my favorites because I was among the people that I love in the place that I love, and I was able to have a very real appreciation for all of these things because I have been separated from all of it since the summer basically. There were other trips to NYC since July of course, but this one was the longest, and made me realize the true extent to which I missed living in New York City, but that is not what this post is supposed to be about. There I go again with the tangents.

When I was in NYC for Thanksgiving, I met a guy named Rob at Excess. I wrote about this so all of you faithful readers are well versed in the tale. For those of you who are joining us a little bit later in the game, well you can go back and read the post about The End of My Trip To NYC....it's all about continuity people. Remember...I love me some soap operas so backstory is very important, and in real life backstory is even more important because in life it is very rare that one thing doesn't come as a direct result of the event that preceded it.

As I was saying, Rob and I met and he was cute and nice, but I was drunk and got his phone number knowing that it was probably for naught because when was I ever going to see him again. Well I was going to be back for the holidays in three weeks so I figured that that would be a good time to call him. Truth be told, I did want to call him, but I wasn't actually sure if I was going to do it. I had the first week of my trip back East at home in Wappingers Falls, and as much as I enjoyed being home for five days I had had enough by the time Christmas rolled around so after having Christmas dinner and doing all that holiday stuff, I decided to head into the city and see my dear friends Sara and Selda, who were ever so gracious to let me stay with them for seven nights which is a lot of time to ask someone to put you up for so I appreciate it ever so much.

My second night in the city, Monday night, Sara and I split a bottle of wine at dinner, and then headed back to the apartment where we drank more wine. I'm not exactly a light weight, but after a few glasses of wine I start to get tipsy, and that is when I got the idea to call Rob in my head. So at 11pm I called him, and left a message. Then I forgot about it. It wasn't that I didn't care, because God knows I usually obsess about these things, but I was in New York City having a good time with my friends so it wasn't something that was worth freaking out about. If he decided to call me then great, maybe we would get together. But if he didn't call me it wasn't like it was going to ruin my trip. My trip was going to be amazing, and having a date would have just been icing on the cake, but not having one would not have detracted from anything.

Tuesday goes by, and I don't hear from Rob, but I also didn't think about it very much. Normally, I would wonder and wonder and wonder why he wasn't calling me back, but thankfully I was able to forgo my normal insanity and just exist and be happy. Sara, Selda, and I went to have Thai food for dinner that night, and while we were sitting down at dinner is when he called me back. I am not one to answer my cell phone when I am at dinner with people. That is what voicemail is for. Of course there are circumstances where one must answer their phone because an important phone call is expected or a litany of other reasons, but frankly when a boy calls me back as much as I want him to call me back I get nervous and don't want them to call me back all at the same time. Following me? So of course I had to wait and see what it is that he was going to say in the voicemail before I could actually speak to him. I'm a little bit of a loop, though, because once the call has been missed and the voicemail has been left I usually chide myself for not answering the phone. If I had answered the phone I could have let go of a lot of my nervousness, but that part of my thinking doesn't come into play until after the call has been missed. It would be nice if my brain could hit the fast forward button and just force me to answer the phone when it is ringing instead of created these protracted phone tag duels.

Do I listen to the message after it is left for me? No. In this particular instance, and I am not sure why I chose this time to do this, I decided to take my insanity one step further and have Selda listen to the message before I did. Seriously, what is the matter with me? Was I dropped on my head as a child? Because I certainly behave as if I was. Regardless, the message was very cute, and he seemed happy to hear from me. He had thought that I had forgotten all about him, and if I hadn't heard from someone for three weeks I would have thought the same thing. I called him back, and left him a voicemail. Then I didn't hear anything. Now that we had started actually playing a game of phone tag, my craziness had kicked into a bit of overdrive and I was now wondering why he was not calling me back.

That evening Selda, Greg, Pat, and I went to Ryan's Pub, and apparently Greg wanted to get all of us very very drunk because he kept buying us shots of soco and lime. Granted that isn't exactly the toughest shot that you can take, and granted they weren't very big shots. But they were shots nonetheless, and we had each had two drinks besides the shots so it wasn't as if we were sober. Now when I start to drink, I get grand ideas in my head....but now that I think about they are plans.....they are these ridiculous plans that only a drunk person would think was a good idea, and that fact is only reinforced by the fact that I always want to stick my head in a wall the morning after(look for a later post to reveal the true depths of my stupidity....I may even call it that).

We had had dinner a few hours ago, but it wasn't that late yet, and since I was drunk I was really wondering why it is that Rob had not called me back yet. Normally, when I get drunk I like to have Selda call my cousin, who I rarely if ever talk to, and talk to him. It amuses me for whatever reason, but this time I decided I was going to give Selda Rob's number so she could call him, and do I have no idea what. So she did. He didn't answer. Probably because it was late. We laughed about it a little, and then forgot about it. We continued to have a fun evening, and then went home. The next day Selda and I got up and were getting ready to head somewhere...I can't really remember where at this moment....but of course I was talking about the fact that Rob hadn't called me back yet. Selda got a phone call. She was chatting away on the phone when she gets a beep. She turns her phone over to look at the number of the second call and does not recognize it. It immediatley hits me that we had used her phone to call Rob the night before in one of my moronic drunken plans. I think I might have leapt across the room to make sure that she didn't answer it, because it was in fact Rob calling probably wondering who the random missed call was from. Of course we ignore the call. You would think at this point I could not take my foolishness any further....oh but I can. I then started to wonder, and no I did not wonder this in my head but rather out loud to Selda, why it is that Rob had called her back and not me. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I went there. Are you kidding me? If I was watching myself as a character on television, I would probably be doing a lot of cringing.

About thirty seconds after I was bitching and moaning about all of this, my phone rang and it was Rob. YAY! We set up a date for Thursday night.