From ka-bobs to crepes!

This past year I lived with two of my dear friends from high school, Annie and Leslie, and it was full of wackiness and good times. Seriously, I'm weird and I think that it rubs off on people. Leslie was already a little bit in my weird camp before she lived with me and I most definitely put her over the edge, but Annie wasn't there. Annie is a special and lovely girl that I adore, but she wasn't weird in the same way that I was. I gave her a little bit of my weirdness as a parting gift.

That's what happens when you live with me!

One of the major oddities in our household was that I would demand a ka-bob from my roommates at all times. I never actually expected said ka-bob, but I would just randomly say it if they were walking past me or if they were making dinner or if they were sitting next to me. It got to the point where they would ask me if I wanted a ka-bob. That's right. I got them in on the action.

Sadly, I am now in LA and I had to leave my girls and our fun filled apartment, but I decided that each new place I live I'm going to pick a food-it must come naturally, something that just pops into my mind-that I will ask my roommates for at random times, never actually expecting it.

So now Tara and Stephanie get requests for crepes, usually strawberry crepes but sometimes its simply crepes, at any given time of the day or night no matter what we are doing.

"Make me.................a ka-bob!"
"Make me..................strawberry crepes!"

That's right people....a little insight into the wacky and wild world of Brian's brain!

FINALLY!

I finally managed to get this damn blog to update my link to Brandy's blog so now everyone should read her blog as well because my girl Brandy is funny. If you don't think so then that is just crazy talk because she is fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnny! :)

I'm getting sick. This is a sad sad fact, and I can feel it in the back of my throat, and I'm not really sure what to do about it. I think that it is from stress. I'm feeling very very stressed about a lot of different things, and I realize that everything is going to work out, but that is something that people say to you. Of course they mean it and most of the time it is true, but the fact remains that the future tense is being used there. Is there even a future tense? It is going to work out...not it has all worked itself out. In the meantime I give myself agita worrying over ten thousand different things, and then the headaches and soar throats come. I'm a trooper. I'm going to fight through....I'm at my internship at the moment and I'm very tired and all I can think about is my bed. However, all i can think about is the fact that I have to get up at 6 in the morning to go to Barry's aka the seventh cirlce of hell....and it fills me with dread!

IT was rough this morning. The sickness was definitely settling in, and on leg day. Of all days for me to get sick it had to be leg day. Barry introduced himself as Satan today...yes as Satan. That should tell you something about leg day. It is the worst day of the week...I mean I sometimes don't know how I get through it. i sort of stumble out afterwards in a daze, and some of these people don't even seem to be fazed by it! Are they robots? They might be actually. LA is filled with those people who have the bluetooth technology in their phone, and they walk around-even when not on the phone-with those ear pieces in their ear. No phone in sight. They are robots. Robots I tell you. Do you think that means that I don't want it? I talk about the ridiculosuness of it until I have it. It's a sick cycle.

What was I even talking about?

Ah yes...my rough morning. I thought about calling in sick to my unpaid job today, but I figured that I would save that for a day when I really needed it. I have been able to function. It has just been a bit of a task. But I was talking about Barry...so it was leg day. The worst day of the week. My legs basically never stop aching because by the time I recover it is Tuesday again and the vicious cycle starts all over again. But even on today of all days even Barry could see that I was not at one hundred percent because he didn't scream at me when I picked up the twenty pound weight instead of the thirty pound weight. What a gem he is. I hope I can make it there tomorrow because I hate to skip working out, but honest to God I don't see how this body is going to be doing any kind of running tomorrow. Unless I'm at death's door I'm going to go there. If my body can't handle it then I will know that, but at least I will have tried and then I can go home. Good decision. Good decision.

I'm supposed to stay here till 7, but I'm not sure that that is going to happen. My bones ache...I sound like an old man.

Big Ups for now! :) (To be honest, I have no idea what Big Ups means....I've said it for a long time, and I'm sure when I started to say it there was a reason for it, but now it just is something that I say without the knowledge of its history in my head....that might be because I'm always coming up with weird sayings and I can't remember where they all come from!"

Is LA allergic to ATMS?

I swear to God that every time I need to get money there is not an ATM in sight. It seems that Los Angles doesn't believe in allowing people to access the money that they have. Every deli in NYC has ATMS, but none of them here have them. Neither do grocery stores or convenience stores or any store for that matter. I have gone to banks that don't even have them. I pose the question.......why oh why oh why is LA trying to keep my money from me? If you want me to eat I need my money. If you want to let me go out I need my money.

Listen up LA.......get some ATMs. It is the only decent thing to do. I mean really. Why are you being so spiteful? Where are all the ATMS?

Can I Blame It All on the Fact that I hit my head?

The day started out normal enough. I got to sleep in since it was Saturday which meant I didn't have to get up at 6am to go to Barry's. The roommates headed out to hit the Grove, and I stayed at home to get some things together for the grad school application that I am sending out. Always one to go to a movie, I jumped at the chance to go see the Brothers Grimm when Tara called me to ask if I was at all interested. It left me with a couple of hours to shower and finish getting everything together to send out. I jumped in the shower and shaved.

That is when it happen. I dropped my razor on the ground. I bent down to pick it up, and when I rose to continue shaving I hit my head on the bottom of the corner of the cabinet that hangs in my bathroom. The fool that I am I left the cabinet door open leaving it wide open for the damn thing to mount a sneak attack. It hurt so much that I yelped, and then went to lie down on my bed because I was scared that I might pass out and I thought that if I were to pass out it would be better if it happened on my bed rather then on my feet in a bathroom full of porclein turning a simple bump in the head to me cracking my head open on the toilet. Nope...I'm not a hypochondriac at all.

I thought everything was fine, but it wasn't until I got to Kinko's that I realized that I had a small bump on my head. Two things came to my mind: 1. Would this small bump become a permanent fixture on my head or leave some sort of indent thus ensuring I wouldn't be able to do the whole shaved head thing again....up until that moment I had a wonderfully shaped head. This could not be. 2. Could I have a concussion? Was I got to fall asleep and never wake up?

Of course the answer was that I didn't have a concussion. Through research on various fronts I discoverd that I would need to be sleepy, nauseaous, or throwing up. YAY! No concussion and apparently the bump would go away. I took some ibuprofen, iced it a bit, and then headed to the movies.

Let's fast forward to much later. Say a 11pm. Tara, Stephanie, and I had decided to go to Fiesta, a local gay bar down the street from our apartment, with our wacky and wild neighbors. Every night of the week they have two happy hours. Yes two happy hours. As if the gays need another excuse to drink. 6:30 to 8:30 and 10:30 to 12:30. 2 for 1 drinks! 2 for 1 drinks! 2 for 1 drinks!

I went into the bar, and of course immediately went to get a drink. You've got to love any place you can get a double vodka tonic for the price of one. I went back towards Tara and Stephanie who were standing with a couple of our neighbors, and as I situated myself next to Tara and Stephanie I felt an arm wrap around me and I was dragged over to a table. What the hell? Who is this man who is just grabbing me? Apparently his was John, and he had coincidentally met Carin, one of my neighbors, earlier that night and he was extremely intoxicated. He was unable to answer a question speaking nothing but gibberish intoxicated. But he was sort of cute so I talked to him for a bit. It was difficult, however, because I couldn't make out a word he was saying, and then Carin got up to go do God knows what so I was left sitting there with this man alone. He proceeded to grab my hands, and look at them as if he was going to read my palm. Being the clever one that I think that I am I asked what he saw in my future. He told me that I was a republican and I was going to die. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. What does that even mean? He had met other Republicans that night as well. Great. Good for you. Once he started to shake the table for no apparent reason angering the people sitting at the other end of it I decided that it was time for me to go and get my second vodka tonic. Except it would actually be my third and fourth vodka tonic...always a bad idea.

I came back and was talking to other people for a while and my friends when John, who had disappeared for the time being, returned appearing even more drunk then he was before. The details are a bit hazy for this portion of the evening, but somehow we started to make out. I don't know why I'm always making out with these random boys in bars. I must like the attention or something. I mean it's nice to hear that your cute and that someone likes you, but when it is a extremely inebriated forty-year old......I need to think these things through. But the drinks kick in and all common sense, the little that I have, goes out the window. Don't get me wrong here, John seems to be a very nice man, if not a bit weird.......I just need to learn to assert some self-control.

I didn't learn that lesson last night because before I knew it I was bringing this man home with me. What is my deal? I mean really. I live close to fiesta. LA isn't exactly a walking city, but I managed to move to an area where I can walk to the gay bars. Ah the joys of living in West Hollywood. But this man decided that he wanted to take a cab. Who takes cabs in LA? How can you even get a cab in LA? Apparently John is able to get a cab in Los Angeles because as I'm saying we can't get a cab in LA the only cab that I've ever seen in this city whizzes by. You would think that if you are driving a cab you know your way around the city. Once again that is the wrong assumption. The cab driver had no idea where it is what I was telling him to go. Luckily from where I was I was able to direct him. Me directing someone in Los Angelels. Now that is a scary thought. I have the worse sense of direction.

John wanted me to go back with him to his hotel. I don't go home with people. It just doesn't happen. I probably shouldn't be bringing people home with me either, but i figure that it is the better of the two options because if the person turns out to be insane then it is probably better for me to be on my home turf. You know if a crazy suspense thriller confrontation occurs I want to know my surrondings...figure out a way to fend off the crazy man. Luckily this guy didn't turn out to be crazy. A little bit wacky, but certainly not crazy.

I was confused, however, because while he was staying at a hotel in West Hollywood he said that he lived in Long Beach. Why is he staying in one place but he lives in another? It seems that in this city people are always sort of drifting around...even when they have a home. I don't understand it. I've never met so many grifters in my life. When we got back to my apartment John passed out practically immediately which of course I was happy about because as soon as I bring these guys home I don't want them there anymore. They way that my mind works at time is deranged. If I know I'm not going to want them there then why do I bring them there in the first place? It's like the chicken and the egg...which came first. Actually, it is nothing like that but it is still a quandry.

A couple of hours later John woke up and couldn't stop asking where he was even though I kept telling him where it is that he was. Just when I thought he had lost his mind he realized who I was. He had thought that he had woken up in his friends house and he wasn't sure why he was in a bed with his friend. I must look a lot like this friend of his. I'm not going to get into every detail of what transpired of the evening, because I'm not one to kiss and tell. That's nott true. If anything I talk about everything and anything with everyone, but I figure I won't put everything out here in cyberspace. What I will say is that while I may bring these dudes home with me I'm not one to be having the sex the first night that I meet someone. Not that I have a problem with it if other's due I've just got too many hang ups to do it. hahaha. I will say this......I think that the man has a foot fetish, he liked to blow air in my mouth, and when I brought him a glass of water he took a sip of it and then spit it out on my leg. Why he did that I'm not sure? I don't know why he did a lot of the things that he did.

He wanted to exchange numbers so I gave him mine. If he called I would probably hang out with him. For all of my ranting and raving he was a very nice guy. A little bit weird, but very nice and he seemed to like me which of course is a turn off for me. As soon as they act like they like me is when I turn the switch off. I know....isn't that very healthy? I mean I have got a handle on all my issues.....not. haha.

I must speak the truth

I like to keep a tinge of humor in my postings here, but I hang my head in shame to admit this. In my previous post about General Hospital my humor seemed to evaporate. All that was coming out of my mind was analysis of the show. My opinions and thoughts. I panicked...my palms were sweaty..I wasn't being funny.

But we must accept that there are times when we can't be funny. I was getting some serious General Hospital thoughts out there, so perhaps it wasn't time for the funny.

Rest assured that I recognize I lost it there, and it wil be back, but I think I may lose it whenever I talk soaps. That's serious buisness for me! hehe

I haven't done the hehe thing in any of these posts yet. I'm not sure that i like it. It needs to just stay in emails. Mental note on that one.

T3 time....it's too easy, but I can't resist. Rest assured though....I'll be back. If you don't get that reference I don't understand that. (Arnold says it in T2...but that's a pretty common piece of pop knowledge, isn't it?)

Silly rabbit...trix are for kids...It just popped into my head, but why the hell can't the rabbit have the damn trix? Why are they just for kids? Why does this rabbit want them so much? Those kids are little brats. Maybe they shoudl learn how to share and how to be nice to animals because someday they are going to grow up and some kid is going to say to them..."silly adult, trix are for kids." Did they ever think of that? I bet that they didn't. Just let the damn rabbit have the trix.

Wow. That was random.

Robin Scorpio is returning to Port Charles!?!?!?!?!?!

Today on the ABC Special: Soapnet Reveals All or something like that they revealed secrets about fall storylines on the ABC shows. I follow and was of course very interested in the things that they had to say about AMC and OLTL(Why is John going to jail? That one certainly intrigued me!), but my show has been and always will be General Hospital. I tune into AMC and OLTL whenever I can, but General Hospital is the show that I never miss. I haven't missed it since the summer of 1997 when I got sucked into it by my friend Melissa.

I have so many things to say about General Hospital that I don't even know where to begin. My life's goal is to write for a soap opera...perhaps someday create my own.....but for now I have to settle for ranting and raving about my favorite soap. I know that a lot of people criticize just to criticize but the things that I say are only for the love of the show, and I'm the first one to defend things when they it is worth defending.

I guess the best place to start is with Robin. As far as I knew Kimberly McCullogh didn't seem to ever want to come back and make a permanent stay at General Hospital, but for one reason or another she is going to be coming back. I have to admit that I never loved Robin. I know that she is wildly popular, but she never quite popped with me and neither did her and Jason. I just never bought it. But her return does make sense. Jason is about to lose his memory, and when he finds out that he is a hitman for Sonny he is going to have no desire to go back to that life. Now for this reason i find it very interesting. I love when Sonny and Jason are at odds with one another. Sonny is perhaps my least favorite character, and apparently everyone else's favorite character. Maurice Bernard is an excellent actor, but I find the character so damn infuriating that I want to throw things at the screen......so when anyone is at odds with him I love it.

Where was I going with all of this? Ah yes.......Jason and Sam work so well together. The actors have undeniable chemistry, and Sam accepts Jason exactly for who he is, something that Robin could never do. They broke up because she couldn't handle his lifestyle....oh really? Of course now that he wants nothing to do with that lifestyle Robin is going to be sniffing around and seeing this different Jason. If this hizo comes between Jason and Sam I'm not going to be happy. My poor Sam has had enough heartache in her life. Give the girl a break. Robin better step!

Ok....so on to Jennifer Bransford. Let me start out by saying that the woman is clearly a talented actress...I would never take that away from her, but the problem is I don't think that she is right for the role of Carly. Tamara Braun brought Carly to a new level....she was still impetuous and crazy with wild schemes, but she had matured as well. Carly had lost that selfishness that she had once had...to a degree...because of her children. There was a warmth and maturity to her that co-existed with just enough of a glimmer of the selfish self-destructive schemer she once was so that the character remained true to its roots. Then Jennifer Bransford walked into the role, and everything that Tamara Braun did with the character was thrown out the window. She became a child essentially....she was the Carly of Sarah Brown days which was a step backward Carly should not have taken. And then JB started to grow on me a little bit, but then they started this whole breakdown storyline with Carly losing everything and JB just doesn't elicit sympathy for me. I don't think that she is right for this role as talented as she is, and I think that this story would be competey different if Tamara Braun were still on the show, but alas.

Finally...Lucas is going to be gay! YAY! They better not make him Brook and Maxie's stalker too. How about have his only secret be he is gay! Give Bobbie and Tony some screen time. Have them react! Let's see what Luke thinks of this...perhaps Lucas turns to his cousin Lucky...or reaches out to Carly at a time when they are both confused on the edge of something. Give him a romance! Have Georgies freak out about it(she once had a big crush on Lucas!)causing problems with her and Dillon! GIVE HIM A ROMANCE, and make it someone with ties to someone else in Port Charles so they have a reason to stick around!

That was my General Hospital rant.

The Things that Bring Me Joy.....

It is a rocking Friday night in Los Anglees, and what am I doing tonight? First of all let me just say that it has brought me a great deal of joy, but sometimes the things that bring me joy...well.....I can be strange. Tara, Stephanie, and I spent the later afternoon/early evening putting together book shelves for our living room that were going to hold books...obviously, but also the crown jewel of my possessions: my DVD collection. Anyone who knows me knows that my DVD collection is my pride and joy. I look forward to Tuesdays like no other because it's new release day. Each and every Tuesday brings me new joys and the what seems like the never ending expansion of my movie and tv on dvd collection.

Now these shelves, unfortunately, were only going to be displaying my movies rather then my collection of television series. Displaying simply the movies is more aesthically appealing, and unfortunately my television seasons were put in cabinets on the credenza that holds our tv. I am not treating my television series like bastard stepchildren...if anything they are my favorites, and someday when I have a fabulous West Village brownstone I'm going to have a television room that prominently displays all of my dvds, movie and tv series a like. Do I sound guilty? Am I overcompensating to inanimate objects?

Brief side note: Don't be impressed by the fact that I'm using the word credenza. I just recently learned it, and I'm still not exactly sure of the origins of the word.

The night continued and we had dinner, and somehow the topic came around to the song Everlasting Love by Gloria Estefan. A favorite of mine, especially at karaoke. It brought me back to my going away party which was definitely one of the most fun nights that I had in NYC....that's sort of bitter sweet! But I digress.....to my horror I discovered that this song was not in my ITUNES library, and immediately downloaded it to rectify the situation. Then proceeded to dance and sing to it. I'm talking Tara was running through the apartment bopping around, we were dancing and jumping on my bed as we looked at ourselves in the mirror, and Stephanie simply laughed at us...and bopped a little herself!

Finally, though, it was time for me to put my movies on the shelves, in alphabetical order of course, and I'm happy to report that they look absolutely fabulous! I loved taking them out of that box and putting them on the shelf. A part of having that collection is that it is an impressive display piece. I love having my collection out there for people to say...and slightly mock because of my choice of movies...yes I own and liked Gigli. Revile me if you want, but we all have those movies we love that we are ashamed of. I would think hard before you point and laugh. People in glass houses should not throw stones.

so YAY! my DVDs are displayed, and in a little while i'm going to watch Terminator 3. I haven't seen it, but I'm trey curious because I did see the first two. But first I'm going to be making another post regarding General Hospital...brace yourselves! :)

Things That Are Unfortunate But True Part 3

6. I had written a very very witty little opening paragraph to this third in my series of true but unfortunate facts posts, and then I went back to one of my old posts to check what number in the series I was on, and I lost the post that I was working on. The fool that I am did not save it. Now that really is unfortunate, but true.

7. I wanted to bitch about my unpaid job, but I actually had a really busy and productive day today that was fill of laughter and interest so I'm not going to jinx the good times by saying negative things. Keeping the negativity out of the air. Well at least trying to.

8. I don't really think that this one is so much unfortunate, but it is definitely true. Peter Skarsgard has been showing up in movies left and right as of late...well he was in The Skeleton Key which I recently saw in the theaters, and Kinsey which I recently watched after recieving from Netflix......that is only the intro. I am intensely attracted to the man. I don't know what it is. I can't pinpoint it. But I love me some Peter Skarsgard....I may be incorrect in this statement but I believe that he is going to be in the new Jodie Foster movie, Flight Plan....yeah I'll be seeing that one! :)

9. These people had the nerve to do it not once, but twice. Those hizoes in the "fiendship" as Marcellas called it nominated Janelle and Kaysar against one another. TWICE! Yes I am talking about Big Brother 6!!!!!! The damn fiendship managed to get Kaysar out of the house...grrrrr....by putting him up against Janelle insuring my pair wouldn't make it to the end. Then America said no to the fiendship by voting Kaysar back in in America's Choice....overwhelmingly. That's right...no Cappy for you! Then Kaysar lets Jennifer have the HOH, against the wise words of Janelle and Rachel, and that hizo breaks her word by first putting up two of Kaysar's peeps instead of two of her peeps and then when it comes time to backdoor James what does she do? She backdoors KAYSAR...which once again pits him against his greatest ally, Janelle! Those were my final two! Damn Jennifer!(But not really...no one needs to be going to hell over bb6!) Of course Kaysar gets voted out and it is a damn travesty, but guess what? Payback is a BIATCH! My girl Janelle STEPPED IT UP and won HOH! YAY! Putting up Jennifer and Maggie in the double eviction week....and yes Jennifer walked out that door. Yeah it was an eviction based on emotion rather than strategy, but Jen was being shizady and she needed to go. She broke a big deal with Kaysar and he was just being nice. You know what else? The fiendship runs around saying that Janelle is a liar, but she may not have been nice to everyone at all times, but that girl has not lied. She is LOYAL! Week two she joined up with Kaysar and Michael and guess who she stayed true to till the end......KAYSAR! And once Howie and Rachel came onto her alliance...she stayed true to them as well! Yes she may have turned on James and Sarah, but they had been betraying the alliance by making shady deals so it was more a reaction then anything else. Whoa...that was my BB rant! But I must say this...GO JANELLE! :)

What A Difference 20 Seconds Makes......

Twenty seconds does not seem like a lot of time....neither does fifteen or ten seconds. The simple fact is that they barely register on the radar of our time clock, and yet there are times when they can make all the difference in the world. Take my latest run to Starbucks for instance.....


Armed with the Endgame Entertainment Buisness American Express card I was sent on a journey...one that I did not realize was going to be difficult, much like the hobbits didn't realize that they were going to go gay on their journey(I mean come on....Sam and Frodo in that third movie were homo-erotic to hizouse......they need to just make out already...they were already having some hardcore eye sex)........I arrive at Starbucks, and am standing in line as people order their mocha light no whip grande frappucino, and their iced unsweetened venti green tea with a hazelnut shot.....and then came the grandmaster of all orders.

This man clad in a polo shirt, denim, and backwards hats whips out a piece of paper from his backpocket. Unfolding it in front of me I felt a wave of horror as I saw at least twenty names on the list and many words after them leading me to believe that this was not an easy starbucks crowd that he was ordering for. The next twenty minutes were a blur even for me as he spout off names and drinks and the girls behind the counter ran around like chicken with their heads cut off making every variety of frappucino, mocachino, espresso, and on and on and on. Even when i was able to order my grande vanilla latte I still had to wait ten minutes because the spinning continued as they tried to finish all the orders now that he had finally finished making them.

Half an hour later I was back at my office....the president of the company had been waiting for his latte....and I was sweaty. What is the lesson that I've learned from all of this? Never waste those twenty seconds...don't bend down to pick up that quarter, don't turn around because you think you hear your name, don't stop to gaze at the beautiful man that just walked past you....well let's not get crazy. Stop and gaze at the beautiful man.

Guess what Secret Platinum? I have a secret too...

Contrary to what Secret Platinum may led you to believe in their commercial of a beautiful young woman on a european vacation, the fact that secret platinum allows you not to reek after not having showered for twenty-four hours is not a cute little secret that you have. Nor is it something to smile coyly about as peruse your menu and sip your cappucino. Where are you staying? There must be at least one shower in the hotel or the hostile that you are in. Use it. My not so very secret for secret platinum is that I hate their commercial. I find it ridiculous and repugnant. True there are times when you may not be able to shower for twenty-four hours......not many times, but I'm sure it happens. If that is to happen you are not to smily coyly at waiters and passerbys laughing to yourself that you have not showered......do what you need to do and then go and bathe...there is no need to be lollygaging at a coffee shop.


That being said I now return to General Hospital that I had to pause in order to rant and rave about the Secret Platinum commercial.

I Know Nothing About Guitars.....

The BPOD....correction....BPOD II(the first one was stolen by my movers who claimed that they had nothing to do with it going missing. It's a story for another day, but needless to say there wasn't any doubt about who took it and at this very moment I hope that they are enjoying all the Hilary Duff, Kelly Clarkson, and Lindsay Lohan that they can get!)....as I was saying....BPOD II and I were listenting to RENT as I walked up and down Santa Monica Boulevard running some errands.

Mimi says to Roger: "I heard you sold your guitar, and bought a car"

Could you really buy a car on the money that you make from a guitar? It doesn't seem like the two would be comparable. What kind of car would he even be able to get? He needed one that could drive across the country-he was moving to San Jose-I can't imagine what he got was top of the line or even from any sort of dealership....with the proceeds from a guitar it was probably a sale by owner. That shizzle is going to break down. And what kind of shape was his guitar in? They didn't exactly live in the most stable conditions. I'm just saying that it doesn't seem very probable that Roger got a car with the proceeds of the sale of his guitar, and if he did well then I worry about him getting safely to San Jose. Just a thought.....

Post Barry's Boot Camp

It isn't everyday that I have nothing to do or no place to be. It used to be that that was everyday, but now that I'm doing unpaid jobs and temping and applying for part time jobs there is usually somewhere that I have to be after Barry's Bootcamp ends at 7:45....this morning that was not the case. Nope. Nowhere to be. A few errands to run and calls to make but nothing that needed to be done the moment I walked in the door. So at 6am when I woke up to head to Barry's all I could think about was going back to sleep when I got home. Well damn Barry because after that little hour of hell I'm wide awake. Damn exercise and their endorphins...I wanted to nap, but instead I'm going to be productive. I'll defy myself and all my energy because at some point today I'm going to lie down and close my eyes whether I'm tired or not, and eventually I'll fall asleep. I'll show those post exercise endorphins a thing or two!

Things That Are Unfortunate But True-Part 2

At some point we are going to move beyond this list...but there are things that need to be put out there.....

4. I wanted nothing to do with Direct TV......I never have. But I only learned after I signed a lease to my apartment here in the pit of hell that cable companies will not serve my building because the owners signed a contract with Direct TV....leaving me at the whim of this damn satellite cable company. Digitial cable is the way to go, and the momet that I have the opportunity I shall return to that, but that is not the point of this portion of the programming. I discovered that DTV offers both West Coast Feeds and East Coast Feeds of the local networks, but they will only let you order one. For no apparent reason. They will just only let you order one. That's a bunch of bs if I ever heard it. Now why does this bother me so? I watch a lot of television...this much is true. But why all of a sudden does it distress me so that I can't have feeds of local broadcast channes from both coasts.....

5. First of all it was one of the only reasons I came to accept that I was going to have to use Direct TV. Luckily, with Direct TV Tivo I am able to record two things at once. Breathe a sigh of relief because that is not the case with regular TIVO and it is why I had to switch from TIVO to DVR from Time Warner Cable while living in NYC. When the OC is up against Survivor there isn't a way to choose.....how can I choose between two of my favorite shows...probably my two favorite shows!! Lucky with DVR I didn't have to choose, and luckily DTV offered TIVO that could record two shows at once......great...you would think that that would be enough. BUT NO..........THE DAMN NETWORKS! Survivor and OC remained at their Thursday night at 8 time slots...fine...wonderful. But the morons over at the WB and ABC decided to put Smallville and Alias respectively on at Thursday at 8. Now I'm forced to choose, because these are all shows that I watch. I'm sorry to tell you this WB and ABC...but I have to stick with the OC and Survivor(especially now that I'm hearing that Stephanie and Bobbi Jon are going to be back-YAY!-still only a rumor but the excitement grows!) I love Smallville and Alias....I really do. But they have to take a backseat as much as I hate to do it. I will of course watch the 5th season of both these shows once they hit DVD, but for now I must bid them adieu. Jenn G....Tom W......Michael V....Kristin K....so sorry....love all your characters together...can't wait to see what this season has in store for your characters....next September. Damn the networks!

I would love to continue this, but for now I must bid adieu...I must go to sleep because I've got a 6am wake up call for Barry's Boot Camp. Don't worry you'll be hearing about that one later!

Things That Are Unfortunate But True-Part !

1. Being molested by an entertainment lawyer at a bar. If you are a troll of a man and you are gay and live in West Hollywood you seem to think that every one wants to sleep with you because you are a powerful entertainment lawyer. You seem to think that you can introduce someone(me) that you have just met mere seconds ago as your boyfriend, and then proceed to stick your hands down his pants(once again me) in both the front and the back. When said individual(me) runs away from you and makes a bee line for the patio to smoke a cigarette and hide, it is not your duty to come and find them, wonder where they have gone, and then proceed to continue to put your hand down both the front and the back of said individual's pants. Once 2am hits(yes the bars in LA close at 2am....in NY they close at 4...one of the many ways that NYC is superior to LA...but I digress) it is not appropriate to ask said individual(me) if he wants to go home with you and his neighbor and have a three way. Just because said individual(it's me...get the point) is a homosexual does not mean he is immediately interested in three ways. Do not act surprised when he turns down your offer, and do not turn it around and ask if he wants to come home and have some one on one time with you. That was not the issue. Not everyone wants to sleep their way to the top. Some of us have come to the realization that we can never have a sugar daddy....some of us being me. So troll like entertainment lawyers please continue to prey upon the vapid pretty boys who seem to think sleeping with you is going to get them somewhere and leave us cute, smart, funny boys alone because it ain't going to happen. Ever read He's Just Not That Into You...it applies here.

2. Has anyone seen or heard from Geraldo Rivera lately? Perhaps I am not up to speed on everything that is going on in the exciting and thriving career of Geraldo Rivera, but was he diagnosed with Road Rage at any point in the near past? Why do I ask this you may wonder. Well upon driving to my first day of my unpaid job(a whole different issue) I came upon this man who was honking at me....for no reason. I was driving beyond the speed limit, in the right lane, every other car seemed to be exisiting peacefully and then Geraldo Rivera hits the road. He starts to honk uncontrollably...at me....for like three miles. What did Geraldo Rivera want? I may never know because I was forced to turn onto the road I was headed to, but as I made that turn Geraldo Rivera continued to honk at me looking very angry, and to this day.....it happened a week ago....I still don't know why it is that Geraldo Rivera was honking at me. I may never know. So Geraldo, if your reading this......why were you honking at me? I think that I have a right to know!

3. Being the lovely gay accesory that every straight girl lesbian, and gay friendly straight boy needs I graciously agreed to pick up my roommates from the airport after their week and a half journey that left me lonely and depressed in LA for a week. Not that I'm bitter about it or anything. Of course the plane was running late...well they were on two different planes, coming from the same place, but that doesn't matter. This very pleasant Hispanic woman was sitting next to me, and it turned out that her husband was on the same plane that one of my roommates was on. How nice! We chatted, and then she told me that she was excited to see her husband but he was going to have his son with him and made a blech like face which led me to believe that it was surly fifteen year old. Looking at this cute woman I also was led to believe that her husband was actually going to be attractive. Oh how wrong I was on this day! With excitment she lept from her seat when she saw her husband, and ran to him as he held the hand of the cutest little boy that you have ever seen....he seemed to quiet and nice and gave the wife a hug. What was this biotch giving a blech face for? The child could not have been more then four years old. I saw them later, and the child was nothing if not well behaved and chatting away with wifey. Well wifey let me tell you something....don't divulge your disgust for cute well behaved children that were sired by your husband to perfect strangers. It doesn't make you look cute or endearing...just ugly...ugly on the inside. That's right. You heard me...ugly on the inside.

This needs to be continued in a second post...too overwhelming for just one!